Post by Aldra on Jan 1, 2007 3:12:37 GMT -5
During the end of 2006 when school started, I have been emotionally stressed. I have had depresion before and now I've been tempted by life to start cutting again. I know I shouldn't, and I don't want to, but it's like I have no control of my hands. I *used* to be cut free for a year and a half, but that's totally gone. I cut a couple month ago, but as I said I'm tempted again. My friend has moved, my parents don't understand me even though I've talked with them, my dad is sex crazy. I look at his text messages all the time when he's out or something, and they're almost ALL dirty to some girl that he'll break up with. I have reconnected with my aunt though and that makes me happy, but my mom doesn't approve. I do have one friend that has stood by me this whole time and that makes me thankful for life. She's pretty much the only thing keeping me alive. I have no suicidal thoughts... My boyfriend doesn't sound like he cares about me, so I was considering breaking up with him, which is really hard to do. I love him so much, but I don't know if he returns the feeling. He says he does, but I can only 'half' trust him. Even though I'm showered with gifts from my dad, I still can never forgive him from what he's done to me and my mother. He's pretty much the cause of almost half of my stress. He's sex crazy, and he showers me with gifts, but I still get this weird feeling. I can't really describe it tho. When my mother was pregnant with me, the day before my birth, he left my mom. He took all her money and even stole her car once. My mom was paying for his college cause be dad was in financial need, and he wanted to go to college. My mom payed for his education and not once did he ver thank her. Not only that, but ever since my mom was 3 months pregnant with me, he'd been cheating on her with this bitch that abuses one of my best friends that now happily lives with her dad. Exucse my language, but I couldn't find the right word to describe her. Anyway, after he left my mom, he told her he could careless about me and her. Now I go with him every other weekend, and he tells me he 'loves me' and I'm like 'uh huh'. Never do I let him hug me or anything. He's so selfish, caring only for himself. If it wasn't for my mother, he wouldn't have the job he has today! Can you believe he doesn't even pay child support? Actually, he only pays HALF of what he's supposed so my mom has to pay even more. Back when I was younger, he purposely quit his job so when he went to court (my mom wanted him to start paying child support but he wasn't paying a penny!) the judge ruled in his favor cause when you don't have a job, child support doesn't have to be paid. It just really angers me that he has done this all to my mom, and she never deserves this. No matter how much we fight, she's always been a good person and sacrifices so much for my brother and I.
It's just so hard dealing with stress from school. Studying for exams, after school activities, etc. I feel so different and left out from all my friends. I really wish someone actually TRIES to understand me. I'm exhausted everyday after school after being called names at school like, 'stupid emo' 'piece of crap' 'go to hell' after I've done abosutely nothing. I just stay quiet and hang out with my friends. I'm completely out numbered by the people that call me names. Especially the 'preps'. I just can't stand them! There was this one girl and she had been really nice to me, and we were best buds for a long long time. Ever since she's been hanging out with here 'preppy' friends, she's backstabbed me numerous times. Shared my secrets to the world, and calls me names.
Everyday, I feel like I want to cry. I feel like nobody wants me, but my family and a few of my friends. I feel so lonely even tho I'm completely surrounded by supportive people. I just wish I could stop time and correct everything that has happened
It's just so hard dealing with stress from school. Studying for exams, after school activities, etc. I feel so different and left out from all my friends. I really wish someone actually TRIES to understand me. I'm exhausted everyday after school after being called names at school like, 'stupid emo' 'piece of crap' 'go to hell' after I've done abosutely nothing. I just stay quiet and hang out with my friends. I'm completely out numbered by the people that call me names. Especially the 'preps'. I just can't stand them! There was this one girl and she had been really nice to me, and we were best buds for a long long time. Ever since she's been hanging out with here 'preppy' friends, she's backstabbed me numerous times. Shared my secrets to the world, and calls me names.
Everyday, I feel like I want to cry. I feel like nobody wants me, but my family and a few of my friends. I feel so lonely even tho I'm completely surrounded by supportive people. I just wish I could stop time and correct everything that has happened