hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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May 27, 2006 16:51:34 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 27, 2006 16:51:34 GMT -5
i need help...so much help. 2 months ago my twin sister killed herself. She overdosed on MY pills because she couldn't deal with the pain she was going through. Then, less than a month later, I was raped by my ex-boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I've never really been a strong person, and this is making me break. I've been comtemplating suicide, but it makes me seem so weak! Any help would be appreciated. thanks guys
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May 27, 2006 17:24:38 GMT -5
Post by WilD CherrY on May 27, 2006 17:24:38 GMT -5
OMG that is soo sad!! It must be soo hard for you right now. I couldn't even imagine that happening to me!! Im soo sorry that that happened to you Don't commit suicide!! Your ex-bf is WRONG I hope you told on him!! You can PM me anytime.
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May 27, 2006 18:27:34 GMT -5
Post by Beautiful Disaster on May 27, 2006 18:27:34 GMT -5
That is soo sad about your sister! Life must be soo hard for you right now and its soo understandable. Are you at the point where you can't stand waking up in the morning? Thats just what I got from your post. Hales taking your life over this isn't the right or good thing to do. You deserve to live for you. Just beacuse your sister took your pills it does not mean you are responsible for what happened. It was her choice. Think of how you and your familys & Friends feel about your sisters death - Do you want them to feel that ten fold? You seem like a intellegent nice person and you could probably do alot of good in this world. Your ex-boyfriend had no right to violate you like that. Did you tell the cops and have him arrested? Have you talked to a counseller as well as a grief counseller about all this? We are all here for you every step of the way. Stay Strong - You can get through this with time.
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 27, 2006 21:53:36 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 27, 2006 21:53:36 GMT -5
hey....yes..i am at a point where i cant stand to wake up in the morning. Everyday is a struggle. I know it's not fair to take the selfish way out and kill myself...but sometimes it feels like the only way out. I mean, it's my fault shes dead. if i hadnt needed those pills there is a chance she would still be alive. its partially my fault. I spoke to a grief counselor...did nothing...and i have to testify against my ex june 3....
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May 27, 2006 21:56:55 GMT -5
Post by WilD CherrY on May 27, 2006 21:56:55 GMT -5
OMG no its NOT your fault!!! If it wasn't your pills she would of found something else! If the grief counsller you saw didn't help you should try a different one cuz they all have different ways of doing things and the way they did it may not of worked for you. I remeber I saw about 17 counsellers before I found one that liked and that helped me. Don't give up dear!!! You deserve to live just as much as everyone else. I hope your court goes okay. It must be soo hard for you
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May 27, 2006 22:05:48 GMT -5
Post by vy on May 27, 2006 22:05:48 GMT -5
Dear Hales:
You don't have to be a strong person to get past all this, but you don't sound like a weak person either. This will be hard to get past, and will take time to heal, but the important thing is what you do in the mean time- while you are waiting for it to go away. Unfortunatley, once you experience something in life, you can never truly forget about it, but you can learn from it. What has happened has happened Hales, you can't change the past- no matter how much you hate yourself, or torment life.
YOUR SISTER'S DEATH IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It never is, and never will be. She doesn't blame you Hales, and why would I know? (Imagine if you had been the one killed, not your sister, what would you want for her? Would you want her to kill herself over your death or do you want her to continue on living?) If you don't want to live for yourself, then at least live for your sister, because she won't have that chance. If you don't value the chance you have now and instead, go through with suicide, memories of your sister will die with you.
It is hard losing a love one, but what about your love ones that are still alive? What about them? Are you just going to abandon them?
BEING R*PED WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. He had no right to do this to you. It is not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. Please don't blame yourself for this, and don't even think for a second that you deserve this because of your sister's death. This has nothing to do with your sister's death Hales, and you know that, don't you? Sounds like you feel very overwhelmed and that is fine and natural for your situation because it is a lot to handle on your own. Have you talk to someone else in person about it? If you feel comfortable enough, I suggest talking to a counsellor. You can also talk to family and friends- they love you Hales, and if you are desperate enough to end your own life, then why not give them a chance? Once you do the deed, that is it- it is true that everything will end, but that also includes, family, friends, your future, and your life.
Hales, does anyone know about what that boy did to you? Well, either way, do what you feels more comfortable right now. Don't force yourself to do anything.
However, when you feel comfortable, I suggest that you go to a health clinic and get yourself checked for STDs, and to get the morning pill (birth control pill). You probably don't want to think about all this right now, but it is something to consider.
GO EASY ON YOURSELF You probably know that it is not your fault by now, so take it easy. If you need someone to talk to, you can always post here at teenvibe. Something else you might want to consider is keeping a journal. That can help you write out your emotions on a page and express yourself- get rid of some of those bottled up feelings and thoughts. Then move on with life, easier said then done, but you can do it. It will just take time.
Take care Hales.
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May 27, 2006 22:10:28 GMT -5
Post by WilD CherrY on May 27, 2006 22:10:28 GMT -5
Thats a good idea about a journal. You can even haev a journal on TEEN VIBE I THINK.Just under member journals it says "get your own Journal" you can set it to private so NO one can read it or leave it open to the members to read. I think its safer then having a book in ur room because then people can steal it or break it open and read it. I dont know its up to you I just saw it there and thought I'd bring it to your attention. Stay Strong girl!
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 27, 2006 22:28:07 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 27, 2006 22:28:07 GMT -5
Deep down inside I know what he did to me isnt really my fault...but it just seemed like I deserved it. The guy who did this to me was my, or so I thought, best friend for 5 years. Then last year, we started dating. Once we were together, he became my life. I lost a lot of my friends on account of spending all my time with him. I still have a group of friends, but none of which I really feel comforable talking about this with. And no one else knows about what he did because I can't bring myself to talk to someone face to face. My mom died when I was 14 so I don't have her to go to, and I can't talk to my dad about this. And then of course, the one person I could always count on killed herself. The worst part is that I had no idea it was coming. She always seemed so happy. We were so close, hell we were twins! If something tiny was bothering me, she would notice it. And here she was...dying inside....and I didn't even notice. Can I get anymore selfish? As far as counselors go, I don't really wanna go talk to a stranger about my terrible life...they haven't helped me before with little problems, let alone with this stuff. To top it all off...I'm totally stressing out about testifying against him. I mean, I haven't seen him since it happened. It's going to be so hard to see him and actually have to relive that horrible night. I understand that I am doing it so he gets locked up and can't hurt me or anyone else for that matter again. I just don't know if I can make it to the court date. I have a note written. It's just a matter of follow-through.
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May 27, 2006 22:41:54 GMT -5
Post by Family Guy on May 27, 2006 22:41:54 GMT -5
I think there's other people on this site that will be able to help you more then i can I just wanted to say its not your fault and everything will get brighter for you. Keep your chin up and soon you will stop draggin your feet in the sand. It will get better and Im very sorry about your sister. Not to sound corny or anything but I will pray for you even though I dont ever pray. Always remeber ur sister is there watching over you and cheering you on.
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May 28, 2006 2:44:20 GMT -5
Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on May 28, 2006 2:44:20 GMT -5
whoa 3 big words for you NOT YOUR FAULT and another 3 YOU'RE NOT SELFISH
You do not deserve this at all. You can always talk to us at anytime if you dont have anyone else to talk to. We are all good listeners and want to help you the best we can. Just because you didnt realize what was going on doesn't mean you are selfish. People are really good at hiding things Hales. Its not selfish of you not to notice. Did anyone else notice? Probably not. For court couldn't you do a thing where you dont physically have to go intothe room they record your voice or something?
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 28, 2006 9:32:55 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 28, 2006 9:32:55 GMT -5
NO...they wont let me do that. I have to physically be there. It's just a really bad situation. It's like I'm all alone. I mean I know you guys say you're here to listen, and I believe you, it's just...id like to have someone here. I told my best guy friend about it....or rather cried about it. I cry so much now...I'm like the biggest baby. I need so much help!
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Alcohol4ever
Staff of the month
Broken Wings
~*~Fallen Angel~*~[ss:Purple]
Posts: 1,158
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May 28, 2006 9:34:27 GMT -5
Post by Alcohol4ever on May 28, 2006 9:34:27 GMT -5
hun, i kno what ur going through..and i blamed myself for my friends/familys death, hun its not your fault..you have to convince yourself that shes in a better place. noone here wants you to kill yourself... i was raped when i was 12...my eldest bro commeted suicide when i was 11..and i blamed myself for a year, till i relized he actually was in a better place...if you want to pm me go ahead...i wish you luck hun or email me at Cuddley.Teddy.Bear@hotmail.com
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May 28, 2006 21:02:31 GMT -5
Post by !Dances With Hamsters! on May 28, 2006 21:02:31 GMT -5
Its okay to be the biggest baby cry all you want its a good thing. How is your friend helping you after you told him?
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 28, 2006 22:52:45 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 28, 2006 22:52:45 GMT -5
He's doing all he can. I feel really bad because I know he is trying his hardest to help me and make me feel better..but I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon
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May 29, 2006 0:21:56 GMT -5
Post by WilD CherrY on May 29, 2006 0:21:56 GMT -5
Thats soo good of your friend!! its going to take time you just have to hang in there Im sure he will stil with your until the end. I hope court goes okay for you too remeber to stay strong and we are here all the time.
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May 29, 2006 1:31:52 GMT -5
Post by littlemikey on May 29, 2006 1:31:52 GMT -5
I agree with everything these guys have said so far. Dont blame yourself. We all love you
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May 29, 2006 3:56:50 GMT -5
Post by Beautiful Disaster on May 29, 2006 3:56:50 GMT -5
It will take awhile you are right. Probably sometime after you go to court and things settle down a bit. Hang in there.
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