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Post by confuseddd on Sept 17, 2006 13:38:40 GMT -5
My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year now. I am so in love with him. We do everything together. Not a day goes by when we dont see each other. We practically live together when we aren't at school or at work. We are both 16 and have been told several times we are too young to be in love but I know we are or at least I am. I've had dozens of boyfriends. This is totally different. I've seen him at his worst and at his best and I truly know him better than anyone I've ever known including myself. He just recently got off drugs and has completely turned his life around. He's been on probation for almost two years now and this is his last month. I love everything about him.the way he smells the way he feels, his voice, and I know its not infatuation because I know everything about him, every deep dark little detail and vice versa.
Nevertheless we continue to love each other unconditionally. This is not some guy that is just a crush or a fling. I had truly planned to spend the rest of my life with him. When he feels pain I feel pain. I cant begin to even contemplate how to explain everything we've been through the past 11 months. For 9 months things were okay. Sure we had our problems, just as all serious couples do, but nothing we wouldn't get past. And then he hit me. I remember the first time I was so stunned I didn't know how to respond. He choked me and threatened to kill me and cursed me. That day passed and I took him back, Because I "knew" that wasn't him at all. He had never even come close to what he had just done ever before. It was like he as a different person. Last night this happened for the 3rd time in a month and a half.
He's never done anything like this before. He's perfect. He treats me like a queen other than this even if I dont return the favor. He worships the ground I walk on and if I leave him or threaten to he threatens to and attempts to commit suicide. And after all the violence and harsh words he's remorseful and sorry. Like he's bi polar or something and he promises he'll never do it again. His mom is getting him medical help. Should I give this a chance and see if help works? -confused
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Post by Ruby on Sept 17, 2006 18:03:44 GMT -5
I'm not going to sugar coat this hun, I'm so sorry to tell you this but this is abuse. He has threatened you and hurt you. You said that you love him, but if he really loved you he wouldn't hurt you. He might have a lot of emotional problems and I think it's best that you stop seeing him-at least until he gets all the help he needs. A lot of the time people like this don't change but there's still hope. By going out with him now your putting yourself in danger. If the medical help works then maybe you can continue to see him in the future but right now, I would take a break from him and see if he gets better. *Hugs* I'm sorry that this is happening. Just remember that if you ever need to talk about this more everybody on Teen Vibe would gladly help you out! I hope everything goes well for you.
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Post by littlemikey on Sept 18, 2006 1:21:20 GMT -5
I agree too, even though you think he loves you, he still is abusing you. You need try and talk things over, and if that dosent work ask a councillor or someone for help.
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Emy-Dawn
Cool User
[ss:BlueTwilight]
Posts: 106
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Post by Emy-Dawn on Sept 19, 2006 4:37:36 GMT -5
I'm not going to sugar coat this hun, I'm so sorry to tell you this but this is abuse. He has threatened you and hurt you. You said that you love him, but if he really loved you he wouldn't hurt you. He might have a lot of emotional problems and I think it's best that you stop seeing him-at least until he gets all the help he needs. A lot of the time people like this don't change but there's still hope. By going out with him now your putting yourself in danger. If the medical help works then maybe you can continue to see him in the future but right now, I would take a break from him and see if he gets better. *Hugs* I'm sorry that this is happening. Just remember that if you ever need to talk about this more everybody on Teen Vibe would gladly help you out! I hope everything goes well for you. I really have to agree with you here. You need to get out of this before it gets worse. Every guys says they will change. Now some do and some don't. but while he is going thru this all YOU need to be away from him!
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Post by ♥Monizzle♥ on Sept 19, 2006 4:41:32 GMT -5
Every guys says they will change. Now some do and some don't. Sorry to say this but they usually don't change .. get out of this mess before you get into trouble!
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Emy-Dawn
Cool User
[ss:BlueTwilight]
Posts: 106
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Post by Emy-Dawn on Sept 19, 2006 4:44:08 GMT -5
Every guys says they will change. Now some do and some don't. Sorry to say this but they usually don't change .. get out of this mess before you get into trouble!some do but they can always snap back a few months later even if its one time they will still have a temper.
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Post by ♥Monizzle♥ on Sept 19, 2006 4:52:32 GMT -5
Yes thats vary true there temper will always be there!!!
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Post by Laura on Sept 20, 2006 1:52:16 GMT -5
You say you spend all your time with him, maybe its catching up to you guys and you need a break away from each other even if its for a few hours. Violence has already happened in this relationship and that is not a good sign, every guys always does the "I promise I won't do it again, I love you" routine and quite frankly its a load of bull. Stay away and let his family deal with it until he is in a healthy state of mind for you to be in his presence.
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Post by Web Master on Sept 20, 2006 14:43:32 GMT -5
Every thing said is very true, I hope you protect yourself. Think with your head and not your heart.
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Post by WilD CherrY on Sept 22, 2006 13:55:14 GMT -5
You say you spend all your time with him, maybe its catching up to you guys and you need a break away from each other even if its for a few hours. Violence has already happened in this relationship and that is not a good sign, every guys always does the "I promise I won't do it again, I love you" routine and quite frankly its a load of bull. Stay away and let his family deal with it until he is in a healthy state of mind for you to be in his presence.
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Post by ♥Monizzle♥ on Sept 22, 2006 19:09:15 GMT -5
Every thing said is very true, I hope you protect yourself. Think with your head and not your heart. Thats vary true, dont get lost in your hearts feelings and forget to use your brain!
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Sept 25, 2006 1:54:59 GMT -5
Please don't wait till tis too late and someone ends up dead. what if he hits u the wrong way and it kills you? or takes it too far one time? get away from it ASAP.
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Post by vy on Oct 7, 2006 0:11:23 GMT -5
Dear Confuseddd:
What is love to you Confuseddd? Does it involve everything you've talked about here on the site? It's your life, and you have all the right to live it as you please. But is he someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or be the father of your children?
Do what you want, but what is it that you want?
Take care
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Post by COnfused on Oct 9, 2006 19:47:15 GMT -5
yes i want him to be very much. I guess it is abuse but its not that bad if your in love with each other right? He tells me he loves me and is very nice to me, these abusive episodes only happen once in awhile. Maybe once a week and its usually something I've done like forgot to take a phone message that was from a friend or didn't lock a window etc. They are things that I do so I understand why he gets mad. He loves me so much he would kill himself with out me.
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Post by Will on Oct 9, 2006 23:40:42 GMT -5
I know how the media (and many on these forums) love to jump to words like 'Abuse'. 'Paedophilia' 'Rape' 'Assault' And as a result everyone takes these things to heart. I don't understand why it's okay for guys to hit each other, and even for girls to hit guys (apparently it's 'cute'); but oh no, it crosses the line when a guy hits a girl. Oh no. That's abuse now, isn't it? Well, I don't like double standards, and I hate sexism.
On the other hand, your last post is particularly worrying. You state he does this about once a week. That is 52 times a year. Yes, this is wrong. Not because it's a guy hitting a girl. It's wrong because normal people don't hit other people once a week. It's far less than that. And what? Over a phone message? A locked window? This guy is a nutcase. He could be bipolar.
You sound like you're suffering from a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Do you know what this is? When a person is kidnapped, everutally they bond with their captors and rationalise. This is what you're doing. I guess if you were an outsider like us you'd see that he's hurting you. At the same time, he clearly loves you. No doubt when questioned he'd say "it's for her own good". So I don't think up and leaving him is necessarily the best thing to do.
Instead, confront him about it. Tell him that you're sick of being hit because it makes you feel as if he doesn't love you anymore. Gauge his reaction. If what you said about him is true then he'll stop. If he does not stop it's plain that he doesn't care if you don't think he loves you anymore. Then, you should leave him.
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To the others: You seem to be discussing the fact that guys don't change. Or when they do they can quickly 'snap back'.
Where do you get your information? I'd love to check it out, because from my experience this plainly isn't true. You're generalising by saying that every guy is like this, and is insincere when apoligising, and etc, etc. I don't think this is true at all. I know plenty of guys who have changed for their girlfriends. Hell, I have. It's not exactly difficult. Changing is as simple as acting a different way until it becomes a part of who you are.
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Post by snugglebunni870 on Oct 10, 2006 11:02:15 GMT -5
Hi... I read what you wrote a few times. And after going through it in my head.. I came to the conclusion that you... are going through the same exact thing i went through a few years ago. I was still in highschool, going out with this boy for 2 years. I absolutely loved him. We did everything together, and knew everything about eachother. It is exactly how you described your relationship. And.. like you said, every couple fights, especially serious ones. We did. When we did it was BAD. He would say ANYTHING he wanted to me... when ever he wanted. Curses, Name calling..everything. And I hated it. Once, he even hit me hard in my back. I couldnt breathe. He played it off like ... he was kidding, but in all reality. He hurt me. He only did that once. He never physically hurt me other than that time, but the verbal abuse never stopped. A few months later, I fell out of love with him. And.. a few months after that I did the hardest thing ever. I told him I could no longer see him anymore. Now, Im with my best friend of over 7 years, Ricky. Hes absolutley great. Were so in love, and Ricky would never do anything like that to me. Listen to me. I read your story. I dont know you, but I see myself in you. I know your in love, I believe you. I am 17 also.. and Im in love. Its possible. Please... the best thing to do is to not see him anymore. He will keep doing it forever and ever. Once an abuser, always an abuser. My x boyfriends dad.. hit his mom, and I think thats where he got it from. I dont know if theres anything like that occuring in your situation, but if so.. you know where it came from. The best thing to do is end it now, before anything else serious happends. Feel free to email me at snugglebunni870@yahoo.com or send me a personal email on here. I hope everything works out.
Steph
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Post by vy on Oct 12, 2006 10:48:32 GMT -5
Dear Confuseddd:
He loves you so much that he would kill himself without you. Words that a lot of girls dream of hearing, and here it is a "reality" for you. However, is it as pleasant as the dream?
"I guess it is abuse but its not that bad if your in love with each other right?"
It's up to you about what you want to do, it just depends on what you want. It's your choice.
Sorry, but there's nothing more that I can say.
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