Post by Kellie on Apr 16, 2006 23:34:03 GMT -5
I often wonder, if I were to die, right now, would anyone care? Would anyone miss me?
My life quite frankly sucks. Okay, everyone at school thinks of me as a genius because I'm an all A student. I am in almost all the clubs. I tutor others. I'm a model student. They all think that just because they see me for eight hours that they know me, but they don't.
I have never told anyone that I spend most of my nights crying myself to sleep wondering if I could hang myself, would everything be alright?
Then I realize something. My best friend. She is basically what's holding me down to earth. I wouldn't want her to feel bad about losing a friend.
Then I think about school. My teachers would be really upset and I've got so much to live for. I can really show the world that even if you have a terrible childhood, you can make a good life.
Then I think about my writing. I love to write and I want to be a writer, so I've got to live for my stuff to be published.
Then I think of my father. He really loves me and I don't want to hurt him.
But that's where it all goes downhill. When I think about my father, I think about my mother. As some of you may already know (as I have posted something about my mother in another thread) my mother is an alcoholic and tends to take out her anger on me. She makes life so unbareable.
I just feel like giving up. It's so hard. Sometimes, I get in a small fight with my one and only friend. My teachers aren't in a great mood. I come home and my mother is drinking. My dad hardly ever gets mad at me, but when he does I feel really bad. All of that stuff happens in one day, and it's too much. Everything that keeps me going, just stops.
I know I need to talk to someone, but if I talk to G.C (guidence counsler) at our school, by law they would have to report my mother's drinking to the police. Then my father may be conistered an unfit parent for not reporting my mother to the police. If all that happens, what would happen to me? I would probably be put into foster care.
Last year, a girl in our grade died. She wasn't very close to me, but I was close to her best friends. It struck them very hard. They wanted to be friends with my friends, but not me. So, they spread rumors about me and did other horrible things. I told my father and he told the principal. Everything was sorted out, but today they still tell rumors about me. That girl that died, she died on my birthday.
I've got a bright future. I will never, ever commit suicide. I've got too much to live for even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment. I'll make it. But some days are just so tough. I know I can make it, but I think I need just someone to tell me that. Can someone tell me I'm not alone?
Everyone says I dream of a better tomorrow, but can tomorrow come soon enough?
P.S- I've never admitted this to anyone. I thank each of you that have read this. It means a lot more than you'll ever know. Thank you for listening.
My life quite frankly sucks. Okay, everyone at school thinks of me as a genius because I'm an all A student. I am in almost all the clubs. I tutor others. I'm a model student. They all think that just because they see me for eight hours that they know me, but they don't.
I have never told anyone that I spend most of my nights crying myself to sleep wondering if I could hang myself, would everything be alright?
Then I realize something. My best friend. She is basically what's holding me down to earth. I wouldn't want her to feel bad about losing a friend.
Then I think about school. My teachers would be really upset and I've got so much to live for. I can really show the world that even if you have a terrible childhood, you can make a good life.
Then I think about my writing. I love to write and I want to be a writer, so I've got to live for my stuff to be published.
Then I think of my father. He really loves me and I don't want to hurt him.
But that's where it all goes downhill. When I think about my father, I think about my mother. As some of you may already know (as I have posted something about my mother in another thread) my mother is an alcoholic and tends to take out her anger on me. She makes life so unbareable.
I just feel like giving up. It's so hard. Sometimes, I get in a small fight with my one and only friend. My teachers aren't in a great mood. I come home and my mother is drinking. My dad hardly ever gets mad at me, but when he does I feel really bad. All of that stuff happens in one day, and it's too much. Everything that keeps me going, just stops.
I know I need to talk to someone, but if I talk to G.C (guidence counsler) at our school, by law they would have to report my mother's drinking to the police. Then my father may be conistered an unfit parent for not reporting my mother to the police. If all that happens, what would happen to me? I would probably be put into foster care.
Last year, a girl in our grade died. She wasn't very close to me, but I was close to her best friends. It struck them very hard. They wanted to be friends with my friends, but not me. So, they spread rumors about me and did other horrible things. I told my father and he told the principal. Everything was sorted out, but today they still tell rumors about me. That girl that died, she died on my birthday.
I've got a bright future. I will never, ever commit suicide. I've got too much to live for even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment. I'll make it. But some days are just so tough. I know I can make it, but I think I need just someone to tell me that. Can someone tell me I'm not alone?
Everyone says I dream of a better tomorrow, but can tomorrow come soon enough?
P.S- I've never admitted this to anyone. I thank each of you that have read this. It means a lot more than you'll ever know. Thank you for listening.