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Post by Sam on Apr 23, 2006 22:11:00 GMT -5
I think this goes under this board. I have gone 5 days without cutting so far.And I have told some of my friends I did.Because they found out.THey were really freaked out at first, and I had to go talk to my principal.He doesn't know that I cut, he just knows that I am suicidal. I think about it all the time.I have planned it, but failed. I have good friends, but my mom has forbiden me to hang out with my best friend who is just like me in the cutting and suicide.I also have been under alot of stress with that. My friends that I could talk to about cutting and this kind of thing are happy, and they don't care at all anymore.I really don't think I have any friends anymore because I am like this.I have told my mom about how some of my friends treat me, but she uses that against me to put me down and tell me that I am doing everything wrong and that I am a bad kid etc. etc. I don't fit in my family. Emily,kay and Bobby, are my dads kids from his first marriage and mandi is from my moms first marriage, so they are all really close with eachother and I'm not.My mom also tells me she is going to hit me, and sometimes does when I am upset.She thinks I shouldn't be. I started cutting because I use it as a promise thing. I promise myself I will cut if I do something like talk to one of my friends about it, or if I forget to act happy when I am upset. I can't talk to my parents about stuff that stresses me out, and I cant talk to my friends about my mom.I dont want to stress my friends out by telling them about suicide or cutting or my mom, because that is pressure on them.And I dont want them to know. What do I do? I feel like I am going to burst out one day. I can't stop thinking about suicide or cutting. I think about it all the time.And I don't want to cut, because I feel ashamed after I do it.Like tonight, I couldn't stop the bleeding it was really scary.I don't know what to do.
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Post by HoneyBee on Apr 23, 2006 23:12:32 GMT -5
Hi Sam
So glad u havent cut for 5 days kudos to u!!
Its the norm for ur rents to be freaked out - at first. Ur mom probably banned u from ur friend cuz she was probably scared she was influencin you Thats what I think atleast!
Hey, those arent friends! A friend would case all the time no matta what - get new friends
Ur mom is soo wrong ishe shouldnt be putting u down like that Sam seriously that aint cool. Lots of times peeps feel left out in there familys but that don't mean ur the bad kid! just dont get along the same but I think all familys should love everyone equally.
that promise thing aint cool either Sam! u shoudl cut cuz u talk to someone or pretend to ACT hapy. dont cut! talk to a counseller at school or another adult u trust Sam u need to do this for u, u can get over this!! TALK TO SOMEONE SAM
i wish u all the best!!!!!! I care!!!!! LYT!
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Post by Sam on Apr 23, 2006 23:28:25 GMT -5
My parents don't know I cut.They don't know my friend that Im not alowed to hang out with cuts either.They dont like her for other reasons.
And those friends I guess are to stressed out to care about me.
And thatnks alot for caring! That helps.I cut tonight, but I was really ashamed after doing it.I feel really bad for it, but I have to remember to not let my friends know I am upset.
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Post by HoneyBee on Apr 23, 2006 23:33:26 GMT -5
why not thats what friend are for to help each other! include them in getting help for yourself sam!
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Post by allianne on Apr 23, 2006 23:44:22 GMT -5
Aww, hun...*hugs* First of all, your mother should NOT be hitting you. Does your family know she does this? It seems to me like your home life isn't great. When you're unhappy while being at home, then it gets hard to be happy at all. If your mom is hitting you and putting you down maybe that's not the place you should be living at...
As for the cutting..do you know what causes it? Have you tried other ways to deal with cutting...like squeezing an ice cube or the rubber band thing? 5 days IS a long time to go without cutting, especially when you cut regularly, so good job! I REALLY REALLY recommend for you to see a school councilor or something like that. Just remember, if you get stressed we are all here for you. If don't feel like talking to anyone else, this site will always be here to help you. Feel free to PM me anytime. I really hope you're doing better soon.
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Post by Sam on Apr 23, 2006 23:45:14 GMT -5
Thanks.I can't tell anyone, my mom would get really mad if she found out.I remember when she first found out I wanted to commit suicide, she was really mad, and she uses that against whenever she can.She hates me, and I don't understand what I did.I know some of the time it is because I am disrespectful, but everyone here says that it is fine to be upset, but she gets mad at me when I am. I don't understand it.So I don't think I can get help from anyone but on here.
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Post by MuHa Feel the Wrath on Apr 24, 2006 4:03:13 GMT -5
u know u can still tell someone with out them saying anything to your mom right? u do have to tell someone tho that isnt healthy for u to be inthat postion. shes probably just bitter about other things and takes it out on you for real. try not to be disrespectful then and see what happens. change your attitude towards her so she doesnt have anythingt o feed off of or get mad at. that will drive her crazy more then anything trust me.
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Post by !Dances With Hamsters! on Apr 25, 2006 4:12:41 GMT -5
Sounds like your in a pretty bad situation with your mother hey. I dont know what to tell you is there anyone else you can stay with? maybe living at home isn't the best place for you right now untill your mother can get some help with her anger issuses. All I can say is keep ur chin up girl ur better then that and dont deserve it. IF u ever join pm me anytime im open to talk and just be there for ya!
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Post by GrapeJuice on Apr 25, 2006 16:08:54 GMT -5
I would have to agree with Chad, I don't think that it is healthy for you to live there while this is all taken place. Your not safe physically nor emotionally and I think you know that deep down inside. It is a good idea to try, be very good, so she can't get mad or anything of the sorts and see what happens with that. I think it would be good to try for atleast a few days and if it works keep doing it until you can figure something else long term. To me I feel like your mom has some anger issues, I know usually people don't like to hear bad things about their parents no matter how bad they are but, she needs to get some help with herself. Hitting and belittling a child is no way to be a parent. I think you should tell someone and I think your mom should know, If she gets mad just tell again. They will deal with her trust me. You need to do this for yourself. Keep your chin up Sam.
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Post by Beautiful Disaster on Apr 25, 2006 19:23:46 GMT -5
Sam five days is really good for not cutting!! I agree with everyone really. Is there someone else you can stay with maybe a friend? I think it would be good to get away until it can be all fixed out. Good luck to u my friend always remeber that it is ok to get upset its natural dont let someone tell you different ever!
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Post by Sam on Apr 25, 2006 20:02:05 GMT -5
Thanks guys.I wish I could go stay with a friend.But its wednesday.I have a field trip tomorow, and I know that I won't have anyone to hang with. I messed up last night and tonight by cutting.But I have to make sure none of my friends know that I am upset about anything, and I feel wierd about asking to stay with someone. So I have to stay at my house. I wish I could stay with someone, my parents were fighting all tonight, so I am trying to just forget about that. thank you for all the replies they really helped alot
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Post by GrapeJuice on Apr 30, 2006 20:06:58 GMT -5
Thanks guys.I wish I could go stay with a friend.But its wednesday.I have a field trip tomorow, and I know that I won't have anyone to hang with. I messed up last night and tonight by cutting.But I have to make sure none of my friends know that I am upset about anything, and I feel wierd about asking to stay with someone. So I have to stay at my house. I wish I could stay with someone, my parents were fighting all tonight, so I am trying to just forget about that. thank you for all the replies they really helped alot Even if you feel wierd asking to stay at someones house, You should if it makes you feel better or if you think it will make you feel better. Always remeber this isn't going to happen forever if you don't want it too you can get help and get over this.
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