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Post by vy on Mar 29, 2006 0:43:13 GMT -5
My friend Jay and I are really close. We have known each other since grade 9. I really like him and want to ask him what he thinks of me. We are really good friends, and I don't want to wreck the friendship. I don't know how to ask him, without making it weird for us afterwars? Any suggestions? I might also be moving somewhere else for the next school year. I don't know, whether I should ask him? So confused...
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Post by Beautiful Disaster on Mar 29, 2006 1:47:43 GMT -5
If your going away it may not be a good idea to start something new unless you and him are willing to have a long distance relationship. That is if he likes you. I don't think asking him what he thinks about you will wreck the friendship or make it wierd. Ask him this " Hey what do you think of me I just want someone elses opnion" You don't have to ask him if he likes you or whatever. I have lots of guy friends that I have asked that or I just say " Would you ever date me I dont think Im date material". You get a answer and don't have any pressure of him thinking you want a relationship.
He might respond yeah I would, or your not my type but your a wonderful person etc..
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Post by GrapeJuice on Mar 29, 2006 2:18:35 GMT -5
Being friends is very nice... but sometimes you want more here are some tips in going about it:
Don’t just blurt out your feelings. Think about when and how you want to let him know how you feel. Usually, it’s much better to show a guy friend how you feel, by flirting and being sweet to him, than to tell him in words.
Find opportunities to do things you enjoy together. Since you’re already friends, you have some idea of what activities and events he is interested in. Sports (playing or watching), movies, video games, cooking, chess, photography, shopping - whatever floats your boat. Find ways to do things that you both like doing, together!
Show him you’re thinking about him on special occasions - and show him you remember what occasions are special to him. Send him a sweet e-card on his birthday. Buy him a chocolate heart when his team wins a big game. Thoughtful little notes and messages can show him a more romantic side of you, and get him thinking about you a little differently.
Give him a hint. When you and your crush/friend have five minutes alone, tell him you had a dream that you two were boyfriend and girlfriend. Say that the dream was really happy and felt so natural... and see what he says. If his reaction is negative (he says "as if" or "that's sick!"), then you know to back off. Save your pride - just laugh and say something like "I know, it was the stupidest dream!" But if he blushes, wants to hear more about the dream, laughs nervously or seems flattered by what you said, it's a sign he is open to the idea of dating you. In that case, say to him "maybe we should go on a date and see if I'm psychic or something." Hopefully, he'll say "great idea."
Check your local newspaper or 'zines (slang for magazines if you didn't know) for upcoming events you can attend together. Look for something he’ll be interested in - maybe a concert, a local fair, a book reading by an author he likes, and so on. Tell him you saw that (whatever the event is) is happening on a certain day and you thought he might want to go. Would he like to go with you? The trick is to make it sound like you're going to go anyway. This takes the pressure off of both of you to make it "a real date."
Take a chance on love. One of the biggest fears for many girls in asking out a friend is "ruining the relationship." Get over it. If he says no, do you really believe he won't be your friend anymore? If he’s your real friend, it might be weird if he says no, but he’ll most likely be flattered and get over the awkwardness. Besides if you never ask, you might never know if he felt the same but was too shy to say it! You should ask yourself honestly if you two would probably be better staying friends, or if your feelings are growing stronger with love and can’t be ignored. If you’re crushing hard enough, it’s worth the risk. Being casual about asking him out can help to avoid strange feelings later.
If he backs off and acts awkward after you ask him out, give him time to get over it. Distract yourself with other friends, and pick up your friendship again when he seems ready.
Don't feel bad or think you were stupid to ask him if he ends up saying no. You've been really gutsy to try it, which is quite cool. Plus you have let him know how you feel about him, honestly and openly, and that is never a bad thing. Now that he knows you like him, he’ll be thinking about you differently. Sometimes it takes some time for that to sink in... he could end up turning around and asking you out when he feels more ready!
Never, ever ask someone out more than twice if they say no. That will just makes your friend feel uncomfortable, and he’ll feel like you’re not listening to him. This can make it hard to go back to normal in the friendship.
Don’t tell everyone you’re going to ask him out. For one thing, if he says no, you have all those people to tell and that would be totally embarrassing. For another thing, you don’t want him to find out that everyone knew how you felt about him before he knew, because that cheapens the emotion. Tell your best friend, but until you know his answer, keep this situation pretty private.
Even though your going away, ask him! You never know what could become of it, It may not matter that your moving you could work something out. Never give up a chance on something that could be amazing. Even if he says no. Well the good Japanese Proverb goes. Fall down 7 times get up 8. You'll be fine either way.Good luck!
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Post by MuHa Feel the Wrath on Mar 29, 2006 7:06:04 GMT -5
wow thats some really good advice Teen Vibe! I agree with everything said. You should ask him even though your going away you don't want to miss an oppertunity to see if something is there.
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Post by vy on Mar 29, 2006 14:53:44 GMT -5
Thank you for everyone's help. I'm so glad to hear so many great suggestions. I'm going to "jokingly" ask him what he thinks of me, and whether he thinks I would make a good girl friend? Then depending on how that goes, I'll ask him - for his guy perspective, would he want me to be his girlfriend? LOL. Well, I'm only going to live once. So, I'm gonna go for it LOL, a little nerve racking, but it is better that I find out. Instead of regretting it later. Thanks again everyone!
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Post by Dreamers Dream on Mar 30, 2006 3:45:36 GMT -5
Thats pretty cool! You should post back with what he said and how it all went down. I'd be interest in knowing. I did the same thing before but he didnt like me haha It is better to find out then rack your brain with it
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Post by vy on Mar 30, 2006 12:18:57 GMT -5
::)LOL, I'm not exactly sure whether anything romanic will really start, but I feel so happy now. We started talking a lot about what we want in a romanic partner and he sort of described me. I'm just going to take it slow and be patient. We'll see what happens. There is a whole summer break ahead to hang - so, lol. Anything is possible I guess? Well, enjoy the sunshine everyone!
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Mar 30, 2006 21:38:29 GMT -5
I bet something will happen. Good luck!
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Post by vy on Apr 6, 2006 0:05:16 GMT -5
Well, things didn't work out as plan. After we sat down and talked about what we wante in a relationship. We sort of make better friends. LOL, oops. Our friendship is better then ever, but nothing more. Final update.
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Apr 6, 2006 15:33:20 GMT -5
hey atleast u know tho hey?
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Post by vy on Apr 8, 2006 1:14:22 GMT -5
Ya, I completely agree with you killerstyle. I'm just glad everything is over with. Hate to be in that limbo stage for too long, especially when it is with a close friend. I'll just take my time, the summer is just starting . Plenty of time. ;D (P.S. Thank you for the encouragement killerstyle.)
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L.B
Junior Member
The Fridge
I have 4 hugs =[[ss:Tropical Paradise]
Posts: 194
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Post by L.B on Apr 8, 2006 3:47:58 GMT -5
Killerstyles right atleast you know. Now you can move on and put it behind you and find someone that you can be with. Have a good summer Sorry that things didn't work out for you but kudos for having the courage to find out instead of wondering. You will find someone
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Post by vy on Apr 10, 2006 19:24:03 GMT -5
;D Exactly - I will find someone else. Thank you for the encouragement L.B. And many thanks to everyone who has helped me. It is so awesome that you all care! Makes me so happy to know there are so many caring individuals out there (smiles).
^_^Take care!
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Post by vy on Apr 12, 2006 18:20:57 GMT -5
:-[Oh...
I thought knowing would be better then not knowing, but then why do I feel so bad right now.
We have been friends for so long. I thought he could at least say he doesn't like me to my face, but he didn't even give me that. He said I might be a possibility, if things don't work out for him and this other girl he currently likes. How absurd is that?! I am a back up?! ...I said I would let it go, but why is it so hard. I just feel bad because we have been friends for many, many years and I thought I was worth more then a back-up plan to him. Argh..I will confront him about it, how dare he ....consider me a back up! But there is the friendship to consider...so confused. Is he really my friend? So blinded with emotions right now.
Can anyone please help, I would really appreciate some out side perspective on this, and any suggestions would be better then my own right now (which is point at him and confront him about calling me his back-up plan, A.K.A. second possibility).
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Apr 15, 2006 4:40:08 GMT -5
sORRY I never saw this post here!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I think he might be scared cuz your his good friend!!! maybe he doesn't want to possibably ruin it.. and if you are his BACK UP !!:@!>@!# NO never be a back-up you don't want to be second best you want to be first. I would just say to him Im not going to be your back-up so just forget about it.. NO POINT in waiting girl moveeeeeeeeeeeee on.. sorry im drunk
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Post by vy on Apr 15, 2006 22:45:25 GMT -5
Ya! :-[Doesn't matter how sad I feel right now, because I just can't settle for being back-up! Completely agree with you killerstyle, just hurts - that's all . Girl, you are so right! No girl should ever have to settle for being a guy's back up, we are all worth more then that! >:(No matter what the guy's excuse is.
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