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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jul 13, 2006 18:21:31 GMT -5
I've been like obsessed with suicide and things like that lately... I make these graphics on the computer that show blood and knives and stuff and I write suicidal stuff on them, like suicide notes... and I can't stop listening to emo/metal music that's all about suicide and that type of stuff, even when I'm not listening to it lines are being repeated in my head... I have severe depression, I'm on anti-depressants and in therapy. I was a little better before but now it's all starting to crash down on me... and when my friend tried to shoot herself, that didn't help and it only puts more suicidal thoughts in my head.
I need serious help. I just don't know what to do, I can't do this anymore...
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jul 13, 2006 18:24:32 GMT -5
I just don't enjoy living, I honestly don't and I feel like my goal is to make it through the night to the next day.
I just overheard my parents saying that I think I need to get stuff to be happy, like right now I've really been wanting a dog to have something to focus on because I know it would help my depression. They were saying that things like dogs will never make me happy. They say they don't know why I'm unhappy because I have everything, but they have no idea. They have no idea that I've been depressed for 6 years, been bullied, hurt, and that they are locked up in their own little world and I'm suffocating in it.
They don't know that every night I stay up crying until 4 or 5 in the morning, that I draw knives with blood and have written countless suicide notes, that I need a family. They are a good family, but they don't act like a family. We've never been on a family vacation, never gone out to a restaraunt, never seen a movie or gone to the beach... our family is so disconnected, I'm suffering from it and I'm sick of feeling alone and different for wanting it.
If I didn't have my boyfriend (we say we are going to get married and we love each other soo much) I probably would have been dead months ago. It's so hard, it's painful to live. I'm filled with pain and loneliness, and they say I shouldn't be. I've always been this way, always on my own... I'm glad my boyfriend is here, I need to be here for him so I can't kill myself, even though I sure as hell would if I wasn't living for him.
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Post by Honey Beeswax on Jul 13, 2006 18:33:57 GMT -5
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jul 13, 2006 18:55:45 GMT -5
Thank you...
but I can't do this anymore. It's too hard.
I feel like I'm going crazy, life isn't for me, it never has been...
goodbye.
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Alcohol4ever
Staff of the month
Broken Wings
~*~Fallen Angel~*~[ss:Purple]
Posts: 1,158
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Post by Alcohol4ever on Jul 13, 2006 19:33:11 GMT -5
That's how everyone feels, call 1-800-suicide. Or call the kids help line. Just don't give up so soon. Things will get better, and i can promise you that. I have gone through that stage, and still am, things are slowly getting better.
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Post by Ruby on Jul 13, 2006 20:00:47 GMT -5
Honey, do you KNOW what depression is? Do you KNOW what kind of life style is suicidal? There are people living in boxes with no food or water and they make it just fine. Not many people TRULY know what depression is.
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Jul 13, 2006 23:15:02 GMT -5
You can't say anyones depression is anymore or any less [important] then anyone elses. Everyone has problems that are hard for them whether they are starving to death or are feeling suicidal from everyday life things. None of it is good. I don't think its right to say someone doesn't know what depression is, Everyone has there own form of it with their own individual problems. Please don't make anyone else's problems less or a problem because you feel someone else has it harder. Dearblackgoodbye - You're obviously going through some really tuff stuff. You have alot ahead of you even though you don't see it. You are trying by seeing a therapist and such but I think you need more then that. You should talk to your parents and get more help. Don't give up. As alcohol4ever said above about the Suicide line. You should call if you feel like talking to someone and if you feel like committing suicide then please call 911. You can over come all of this. Your life won't be like this forever even if you feel like that right it's never ending, You can get past it. Your Boyfriend can be strong for you, Imagine how hurt he would be if he didn't have such a wonderful person in his life... Even though your parents don't seem to be listening to your wants and needs you have to get them to listen. Be serious when you talk to them, Schedule time with them to talk, Talk about everything and let them know exactly whats going on. If you don't it makes it harder for them to understand. They love you and want to be there for you. Please get the help you need. You have too much going for you to throw it away like this. You have options.
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jul 13, 2006 23:47:55 GMT -5
God's*little*girl -- You know, one of the WORST things you could tell a depressed person is that they don't know what depression is or they shouldn't be depressed. If I had been told that a month ago, I probably would have committed suicide. If you plan to help people with depression, don't ever tell them something like that, please. And, by the way, I have a hell of a lot of reasons to be depressed, you don't know me so don't tell me I don't know true depression. I know it so well, from being abused, bullied, from cutting and being in the hospital, from having friends try to kill themselves and from being alone all my life, I think I have a pretty good idea of what depression is, honey. And I'm not dumb, either, I know when sadness and pain stops and depression begins. I don't mean to offend you by that, just don't ever tell a depressed person something like that unless you want them dead. Thank you, BabyCakes, I know I need to stay here for my boyfriend. But he's part of the pain... because I love and care about him so much as my best friend and my boyfriend, it kills me when he tells me how he used to be. He was very depressed for a long time, and tried to light himself on fire and constantly thought of new ways of killing himself and cut and cried a lot. Then, after he had been on anti-depressants since the 3rd grade, he moved here when he was 14 and I met him a month later. After only a few days we became great friends and loved each other and he says that I saved his life and he had been planning a suicide for later that week, but then he met me. It kills me to know that he was like that and that even though I have him and I will for the rest of my life, I'm still very depressed. I feel like I shouldn't be because I have him and I feel like he's done a whole lot and I should be better but I'm not, I'm very depressed still.
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Post by WilD CherrY on Jul 14, 2006 4:08:11 GMT -5
Honey, do you KNOW what depression is? Do you KNOW what kind of life style is suicidal? There are people living in boxes with no food or water and they make it just fine. Not many people TRULY know what depression is. \ Thats just wrong to say! Simplybeingloved don't listen to it cuz u have things that suck in ur life but you know what.. It will get better and I think ur boyfriend is a good person to be helping u.. Sorry I have to run to school soon..
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Post by Ruby on Jul 14, 2006 4:53:34 GMT -5
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be cruel, even if that's what it sounded like. *Huggles* Don't comitt suicide, it's not cool. Your loved by a lot of people I bet. I'm sure that your boyfriend loves you, and I'm sure your parents love you, and I'm sure that your friends love you. I know it's hard right now but it will get better, and one day you'll be so thankful that you DIDN'T comitt suicide. You are valuable, whether you believe it or not. We are all put on this earth for a special reason and our lives are priceless. Just stay strong and be brave! *more hugs*
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Alcohol4ever
Staff of the month
Broken Wings
~*~Fallen Angel~*~[ss:Purple]
Posts: 1,158
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Post by Alcohol4ever on Jul 14, 2006 12:40:44 GMT -5
Wild Cherry- Its not simplybeingloved. its Deerblackgoodbye. Simply beingloved hasn't bin on in a few days.
Gods Little Angel- Thank you for your appology, now lets see if Deerblackgoodbye will accept is.
Deerblackgoodbye- As you can tell you do have a place here, you have a boyfriend that loves you. Obviously EVERYONE on teen vibe loves you. If you need anything at all. My PM box is always open. But I am going away next week from Sunday night-Friday night. So you can e-mail me, and I will reply when I get back Cuddley.Teddy.Bear@hotmail.com . I hope that your safe.
Lots of love Alcohol4ever
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Post by allianne on Jul 14, 2006 19:25:43 GMT -5
Depression is one of the hardest things people ever deal with in their life. It takes a lot of courage to even go to a doctor or see a therapist, so you're already taking a step by reaching out for help. Never keep things bottled up inside. Your boyfriend is there for you. Sometimes, having somone willing to stick with you everyday and hear you out makes life easier to get through.
It's gonna take a lot of effort and help to get over severe depression. It's like you get in so fast and then have to crawl slowly out of it. It's hard to get through. You just need to keep trying and making sure you're being honest to others about how you're feeling. They mentioned hotlines, which you can call privately.
Have you ever tried talking to your parents? Sometimes they just don't understand how we're feeling because they don't know exactly what we've gone through. Some parents always think their teenager is overreacting, but maybe you could try explaining how everything you've gone through has been hurting you. I personally think that a dog would be a great thing for you to have...something to look after and care for that will always care for you back. (dogs are great like that) But maybe your parents aren't the emotionally close type. You can't make a person happy by just material things.
You'll figure out what we all know. You're special and unique, and no one would gain anything by losing you. You have a reason for living and there's so much about growing up and establishing a career and having a family to look forward to. There's always more people that care for you than you think. *hugs*
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jul 15, 2006 19:30:21 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone... I updated on "severe abuse... help" with something big that happened... yes, of course I forgive you. I know you didn't mean for it to sound like that, I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. Thank you, everyone!! *hugs*
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Post by !Dances With Hamsters! on Jul 15, 2006 22:37:35 GMT -5
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Post by goochmonster on Jul 16, 2006 0:47:11 GMT -5
Honey, do you KNOW what depression is? Do you KNOW what kind of life style is suicidal? There are people living in boxes with no food or water and they make it just fine. Not many people TRULY know what depression is. Wow, what a truly ignorant, dumbass response. Do you even have the slightest clue as to what you are talking about? So since I'm not starving I shouldn't be sad about the shitty things that are taking place in my life? Obviously you have a sad life of your own at home, probably not allowed to express your feelings right?
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Post by pretzelofconfusion on Jul 16, 2006 0:47:25 GMT -5
hello everyone! im back for the moment at least. more about that later, this is about dearblackgoodbye!
hey hon. hope things are going okay and that you have been helped by all the great people on there. even if nothing anyone says completely gets through, please just remember that WE ALL LOVE YOU. although im sure many other people are also here for you and love you more than you can even begin to imagine, know that no matter what, there ARE always people around to help with even the smallest of life's challenges. not to say that my situation is the exact same as yours or that i can relate better than anyone else on here, but i want to let you know that i have been going through many of the same things and do understand and realize how big it is. it is a serious matter, and we all want you to get better. remember that if you EVER need ANYTHING i am here anytime. i may not be able to get on here much because of family issues and whatnot, but i check my email almost every day. its superkar_11@hotmail.com. please just send me a quick note and hopefully we can stay in touch. just having someone to talk to who are going through the same things at the same time can be extremely helpful.
as to everyone else, i love you all and feel free to drop me a note or add me to your msn messenger if you have it anytime!! lotzoflove, karlee
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Post by WilD CherrY on Jul 16, 2006 1:47:01 GMT -5
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