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Shaking
Aug 14, 2006 19:30:56 GMT -5
Post by Wandering Hope on Aug 14, 2006 19:30:56 GMT -5
I’m not quite sure where to post this… so yah… I’m sorry… new here… Anyway, the overly long story and question:
Does taking medicine change you as a person?
Um…. I don’t know if I want to get better or not… cuz it feels like I’m cheating or I wont be the same… and I don’t even know whats wrong… cuz I’m afraid. It’s the entire adage that everyone wears a mask… but its an extreme. Mental illness runs in my family as in everyone has some sort but mainly small bouts of depression. I’m different one minute I can be so happy that you’d swear I’m drunk off the air and then my mum or dad can say a single word and an overwhelming disheartened grief overcomes me… its scary. I hide it a lot but most of the time inside I feel like I’m screaming: why can’t someone see that this is wrong: that I’m not me?
None of my mates understand , when I actually have a reason. Its like everyone in the town I live in is emotionless and strives for a level of perfection that is inhuman. And every minute I feel more secluded and alone… more than that as I watch them destroy what should be called a life, I think that I have been broken by them… that nothing of happiness can ever come again… my mind becomes clouded by pain and fear and almost a panic of life. I just want to die and have come close to doing it a few times. I know I need help… but I don’t really know if I want it… I kind of do actually want to die… what if medicine a doctor would give me (since I’m probably manically depressed) maes me like all of the other heartless people who seem to roam about my world? What if I don’t feel anymore? What if I’m no longer passionate about everything? As much as I want so much pain to go away: I want to remember it to… I don’t want to forget how much I loved all those who have passed in my life… I’m afraid of going on …
What do I do?
I just want to go home.. I want to leave…..
I’m so confused I don’t even know what question I’m asking.
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L.B
Junior Member
The Fridge
I have 4 hugs =[[ss:Tropical Paradise]
Posts: 194
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Shaking
Aug 14, 2006 19:35:39 GMT -5
Post by L.B on Aug 14, 2006 19:35:39 GMT -5
Well depression makes u not be passionate so I doubt it would make you feel that way. really I dont know much about depression or medication for it but I know people here will. I just hope everything turns out how u want it and I know how it is to have people strive to be inhumanly perfect.
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Shaking
Aug 14, 2006 19:38:09 GMT -5
Post by Wandering Hope on Aug 14, 2006 19:38:09 GMT -5
Thanks
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L.B
Junior Member
The Fridge
I have 4 hugs =[[ss:Tropical Paradise]
Posts: 194
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Shaking
Aug 14, 2006 19:43:54 GMT -5
Post by L.B on Aug 14, 2006 19:43:54 GMT -5
I kno it wasnt great but ure welcome. Someone here will know more then me
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Shaking
Aug 14, 2006 19:48:50 GMT -5
Post by Wandering Hope on Aug 14, 2006 19:48:50 GMT -5
If nothing else its something to look for in another day…. But it already has helped.. the entire idea that there’s a place to write it makes me feel a tad less alone.
And I’m sorry that you’ve known people who strive so far for perfection that they end up straying from humanity…. Its disheartening and almost sickening..
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Shaking
Aug 14, 2006 20:17:25 GMT -5
Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Aug 14, 2006 20:17:25 GMT -5
Welcome to Teen Vibe, My name is Katie
Depression Medications do change you as a person in some ways. Its all depends on what medication your doctor puts you on and probably 9 out of 10 times you have to go through many different kinds before you find one that works for you. Some make you more depressed, Some make you suicidal, Some will eliminate your feelings - You will have a hard time getting angry or sad. Some medications work great. Everyone who takes medications react to them differently. What works for someone else may not work for you. You say your Happy one minute and someone can say something that will totally bring you down to the ground. What usually gets you upset again? Your best bet is to talk to your general practitioner and work with them to find something that will work for you. If you are worried about the effects of medication there are things you can do to 'get better' or feel better with out the drugs. Its hard work but it is possible. I don't believe in anti-depressants I think they just cover up the problem so I sorted things out myself with the help of friends and people on Teen Vibe who have helped me come out of my shell and live a happy fulfilling life.
I think alot of people at one point or another feel like people don't understand, But you have to remember that there are people who do understand how you feel, like members on Teen Vibe. You are not alone in the way your feeling. We all get mad because other people or ourselves put on that mask that everything is peachy keen when we all know deep down its not. People strive for that unreachable perfection, we try so hard to live up to what people think is perfect but really what is perfect? Perfection in my eyes is your strengths and weakness all together. Being your true self is what makes you perfect and if other people don't think so then that is their problem that they will (hopefully) realize is nothing more then trying to be someone your not.
Suicide is not going to help you or anyone for that matter, its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I believe you are strong enough to get through this and be the person you want to be. A good start is too look at the people around you and think about your choices of the people who influence your thoughts. If you think some of these people do no good to you on your journey to feeling better then I would suggest to surround yourself with people who do care and do understand.
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Shaking
Aug 15, 2006 1:55:43 GMT -5
Post by Sparkle on Aug 15, 2006 1:55:43 GMT -5
^ I agree with Killerstyle.
Do your parens know these things they say make you upset?
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Shaking
Aug 16, 2006 14:52:19 GMT -5
Post by Wandering Hope on Aug 16, 2006 14:52:19 GMT -5
Its not only them... its everyone... and they say things which shouldn't bother me... sometimes its just one word in a conversation... it can echo in my head for days. like if you ever been in a really big city and the noises and sudden rushes of people just completely take over and suddenly all you want to do is hide.
It scares me cuz i never know what I'm gonna do. Yesterday my mum said that she couldn't live with me like this... how I'm different... and I just drove to the cemetary, where my Aunt is, with a bottle of pills. I couldn't think of anything else but what she said cuz what kept me from cutting my wrists when I was younger was that I knew my mum couldn't handle both her sister and daughter's death. But it seemed like the only way out... the only way to stop the thoughts.... my grandmum was there though... and I couldn't have done that in front of her....
...its just scary sometimes...
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Shaking
Aug 22, 2006 22:59:23 GMT -5
Post by pretzelofconfusion on Aug 22, 2006 22:59:23 GMT -5
im really glad your grandma was there. suicide is not the answer hun. there are so many people that care about and love you in this world and who dont want to see you get hurt. i understand though about just one word and it repeating over and over in your head. it happens to me all the time. but then i write about it or draw a picture that somehow seems connected with that word and amazingly it just kind of lets it out and rids my body of that recurring 'nightmare' that seems to happen day in and day out. just let it out some way. please be careful and dont do anything you may regret. even if you dont think you'll regret suicide you will, there are so many things in this life you have yet to experience and enjoy!! please please embrace them with all of your heart and cherish the good moments, while releasing the bad. i wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted!! love lotz, karlee
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Shaking
Sept 15, 2006 14:57:01 GMT -5
Post by martin on Sept 15, 2006 14:57:01 GMT -5
Hi how are you now? has anything happened to make it better?
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Shaking
Sept 19, 2006 15:54:36 GMT -5
Post by ♥Monizzle♥ on Sept 19, 2006 15:54:36 GMT -5
I’m not quite sure where to post this… so yah… I’m sorry… new here… Anyway, the overly long story and question:
Does taking medicine change you as a person?
Um…. I don’t know if I want to get better or not… cuz it feels like I’m cheating or I wont be the same… and I don’t even know whats wrong… cuz I’m afraid. It’s the entire adage that everyone wears a mask… but its an extreme. Mental illness runs in my family as in everyone has some sort but mainly small bouts of depression. I’m different one minute I can be so happy that you’d swear I’m drunk off the air and then my mum or dad can say a single word and an overwhelming disheartened grief overcomes me… its scary. I hide it a lot but most of the time inside I feel like I’m screaming: why can’t someone see that this is wrong: that I’m not me?
None of my mates understand , when I actually have a reason. Its like everyone in the town I live in is emotionless and strives for a level of perfection that is inhuman. And every minute I feel more secluded and alone… more than that as I watch them destroy what should be called a life, I think that I have been broken by them… that nothing of happiness can ever come again… my mind becomes clouded by pain and fear and almost a panic of life. I just want to die and have come close to doing it a few times. I know I need help… but I don’t really know if I want it… I kind of do actually want to die… what if medicine a doctor would give me (since I’m probably manically depressed) maes me like all of the other heartless people who seem to roam about my world? What if I don’t feel anymore? What if I’m no longer passionate about everything? As much as I want so much pain to go away: I want to remember it to… I don’t want to forget how much I loved all those who have passed in my life… I’m afraid of going on …
What do I do?
I just want to go home.. I want to leave…..
I’m so confused I don’t even know what question I’m asking.
Has any thing changes since then?!?!?!?!
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