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Post by pretzelofconfusion on Aug 17, 2006 0:43:18 GMT -5
i believe up until last night i had made a record on not cutting!! which was overe 6 weeks i think but im still trying to find the exact date.. anyway last night i was at the fair with 2 of my best friends and suddenly i felt completely invisible. like they forgot i was there and anything i said wasnt heard. i would ask questions or start saying something and got no response. it really upset me. i almost started CRYING (which is really rare with my depression meds.. i mean, i didnt even cry a couple weeks ago when my grandma died and i saw her body!). when i got home that night i was really upset and thought maybe it was my fault i felt so invisible so i broke my ongoing amazing record to cut the letters IHM (for i hate myself) into the area below my stomach on the right side by my hips. i also took a razor blade and kind of carved a trench type thing into my thumb nail down to the skin underneath. now if i touch the nail it makes my whole thumb go numb.. any suggestions for how to keep going next time something really upsetting happens?
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Alcohol4ever
Staff of the month
Broken Wings
~*~Fallen Angel~*~[ss:Purple]
Posts: 1,158
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Post by Alcohol4ever on Aug 17, 2006 0:52:12 GMT -5
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Post by Sparkle on Aug 17, 2006 3:55:03 GMT -5
I agree- talk to some one on the phone, go to a cafe where you're not gonna be ignored. go here- we won't ignore you!
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Post by pretzelofconfusion on Aug 21, 2006 22:57:06 GMT -5
one part i forgot to mention about that story was that shortly after i felt invisible i started seeing things.. like i miraculously found a razor blade in my purse and used it to slit my wrists at the fair, and i ran off by the livestock barns/carnies' rv's and shot myself. it felt so real and i actually thought i was doing it. nothing like that has ever happened so badly to me. i was so scared it was horrible. i felt like i was actually killing myself. and then suddenly i was back in reality walking next to my friends. i never told them what had happened but i was really upset and down after that.....
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Post by Sparkle on Aug 22, 2006 4:27:39 GMT -5
wow- that sounds really scary... I think you should go to a Doctor or psychiatrist about this.... that sounds so scary. How's your thumb now?
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Aug 22, 2006 4:31:14 GMT -5
I never read everything because I didnt know it was triggering PLEASE use the trigger tags they are first in the list of smilies for a reason.
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Post by pretzelofconfusion on Aug 22, 2006 22:45:17 GMT -5
omg i am so so sorry i didnt know how to put the may trigger thing on there. im sorry. i hope i got it right this time....
um yeah my thumb is a lot better. its not too bad. thanks for your concern though i really appreciate that.
ive been clean ever since that night also.. although im not sure how much longer it will last....
sorry once again for letting you and anybody else come across this unaware that it may trigger, killerstlye!
love always, karlee
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