|
Post by vy on Jul 16, 2006 1:08:37 GMT -5
I escaped from a very dangerous relationship 4 months ago. My life was starting to go well again, until today. When a guy with the same name as my ex (which is very common) called my work place. It wasn't him, but it scared me so bad - even until now (while I type this). He is dangerous, manipulative, and unpredictable. I feel so angry at myself for getting so scared, but I just don't know what to do. Please help
|
|
|
Post by Midnight on Jul 16, 2006 1:17:56 GMT -5
Mabey fate is trying to tell you something...
What did he do to you that made you so nervous?
|
|
|
Post by WilD CherrY on Jul 16, 2006 1:51:32 GMT -5
Get a restraining order if your that scared! Atleast you have something saying he can't come near you and I know paper won't protect you fully but if anything DOES happen you have atleast reported it and they know he is already scared you! Do it for your protection please.
|
|
|
Post by biancasaur on Jul 16, 2006 20:48:01 GMT -5
Don't be angry at yourself for being scared! It's not your fault -- it's totally NORMAL to be scared when another person has treated you so badly. As you said, you got yourself out of the relationship and you've been doing fine -- I think you should congratulate yourself!
It's awesome that you got out of that bad situation. You're not weak for feeling scared. Fear is an emotion that lets us know when we need to protect ourselves. And if it had really been him on the phone, you would have needed to protect yourself, right? So it's not irrational to get afraid. And it's normal that after a scare like that, you'd be feeling shaky. Let yourself feel safe rather than feeling angry at yourself for it.
Maybe you could write all your feelings down in a journal -- this helps me when I feel angry or scared. Another thing that might help is, before you go to sleep, imagining what you would say to your ex if you could (and if there was no way he could do anything to you -- imagine that he's locked behind bars, or you're talking to him on the phone). Imagine yourself being strong and protecting yourself, and you will feel stronger! Good luck!
|
|
|
Post by vy on Jul 16, 2006 22:53:56 GMT -5
He did many scary things: isolating me from friends and peers, lying to me about horrible things in his life - but the worse thing was playing with my emotions and who I am.
When you forget who you are, the world becomes very blank.
Right after our break up, he sent me angry emails, and viruses. While calling me, and freaking out at me in school (we were in the same classes). ..not mentioning the fact that he filed a law suit against me. It was dropped - but it was so stressful. I was also going through a tough time with friends - one in paricular that had taken his word over mine, and was putting me through this whole questioning period and guilt trips. I was stressed out enough because of the breakup - but the fight with my friend, plus end of the school year! I was over the edge.
The restraining order would have been nice! If only I had known you sooner Wild Cherry. But I didn't realize it was an option until he filed a law suit against me. The funniest part of his law suit was it wasn't sewing me for anything? He didn't want a restraining order, or money - it was just sewing ME! By that time, the phone calls and emails stopped, so I had no reason to file for one - I had no proof. ...I reallly wish I had filed for a restraining order.
But you made me think of something really important Little Red Ridding Hood. What he did was scary - yes, but what is he doing now that is so scary? Nothing. He is no longer a part of my life, and I am still letting him control me. That is silly.
That sounds like a good exercise (imagining my boyfriend behind bars) biancasaur! I feel better already - thinking of him behind bars, and not being able to get to me. I already keep a journal - but I will definitely try out the exercise - thank you.
Thank you for all your support, I feel so much better. (Sigh of relief.)
|
|
|
Post by GrapeJuice on Jul 17, 2006 5:11:45 GMT -5
That's so horrible that that happened to you! I wish you the best of luck and biancasaur is right, If you imagine feeling a certain way all the time you really start to feel that way and you no longer imagine it.
|
|
|
Post by vy on Jul 19, 2006 0:59:28 GMT -5
Thank you GrapeJuice. I will definately work harder for that good luck. Now that I think about it, everything seems so bizzare, almost unreal really. Time to move on.
|
|
|
Post by WilD CherrY on Jul 22, 2006 5:49:35 GMT -5
Good luck with it !! I wish you the best
|
|
|
Post by GrapeJuice on Jul 30, 2006 2:05:50 GMT -5
I hope it works out for you I really do, Abusive relationships are hell. Most of all, be proud of yourself for being able to walk out.
|
|