Post by mizleadedyouth on Mar 23, 2006 18:27:34 GMT -5
Wow, there really aren't many posts...
But umm.. well I'm just gonna vent about my bulimia erm problem.
It all started when I saw this movie and this girl got extremely skinny off of being bulimic. So when I was fifteen, I tried to be but I play basketball so it was really hard to starve myself and run off of no energy. Well for the past few years I've been going through some struggles, I dont have the best parents in the world, my father is a child molestor, so I had to deal with court dealings and I just dropped into an ultimate depression. I was diagnosed with major manic depression, that's where like one is pretty much bipolar. And my older sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and my mom is asian so all you asian kids out there I'm sure that's enough said. LMAO. Anyways I went from I'd have to say a healthy weight of 130lbs 5'3 to 170lbs 5'4 in a matter of two years.
In my senior year of high school, last year I was 155lbs. then I started working and I started to expand more and more to a final point of 170 lbs. My sister told me that I was fat. My basketball coach for my college team pretty much kicked me off because she told me that I dont play like I used to when I was much thinner. Reason why she would know this is coz she's been wanting to recruit me ever since I was 15. And, ugh... so in october 2005 I was 170, then i was on basketball team and was getting some exercise and I dropped to 165 in december. and then I got kicked off. I recorded my weight every month since september. So then thats 5 lbs in 2 months. Then I was at a steady weight of 165 coz holidays.
Then came January, and I just started to go off. I signed up for a gym membership, gradually ran as far as I could. Burned off half the calories I ate in that day. I dropped another 5 lbs in January, and I felt that wasn't fast enough. So I started to burn off ALL calories that I predicited to have eaten in that day. I dropped another 5 lbs. And I felt like I've done so much hard work and yet I'm not dropping rapidly. So beginning of February, I was 155 lbs. I decided to purge and exercise at same time. dropped to 149 on february 15th. And I felt sooo good about myself I decided to carry on with purging. I would purge in my shower so no one could hear, in my toilet when no one is home, and if I came home late and everyone was sleeping I'd purge in a trashbag in my room. Currently I am 143 lbs now on march 23rd with a goal of being 140lbs by march 31st, and I am starting to see the results of the bulimia effecting me. My face is sooooo PALE and unhealthy. I shake, I can't concentrate, I space out, I am just waiting for a day to faint. But All I could think about is purging. I weigh myself morning and night, and each time someone tells me that I am getting skinnier and looking good I get soo embarrassed. I am the type of person that could rarely be humiliated. But if someone comes up to me with a lot of people around me telling me that I'm getting thinner and stuff I get so humiliated because I wnat to erase the fact that I was ever overweight out of my mind.
I need strength to help me get out of this state of mind. And I would like to have your guy's help me get through this. Each time I swallow; my throat is soar. Its not fun, its a degrading disorder, I am not treating my body right........ And now i cna't really focus typing any more lMAO .... i appreciate any kind of comments you leave here.
But umm.. well I'm just gonna vent about my bulimia erm problem.
It all started when I saw this movie and this girl got extremely skinny off of being bulimic. So when I was fifteen, I tried to be but I play basketball so it was really hard to starve myself and run off of no energy. Well for the past few years I've been going through some struggles, I dont have the best parents in the world, my father is a child molestor, so I had to deal with court dealings and I just dropped into an ultimate depression. I was diagnosed with major manic depression, that's where like one is pretty much bipolar. And my older sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and my mom is asian so all you asian kids out there I'm sure that's enough said. LMAO. Anyways I went from I'd have to say a healthy weight of 130lbs 5'3 to 170lbs 5'4 in a matter of two years.
In my senior year of high school, last year I was 155lbs. then I started working and I started to expand more and more to a final point of 170 lbs. My sister told me that I was fat. My basketball coach for my college team pretty much kicked me off because she told me that I dont play like I used to when I was much thinner. Reason why she would know this is coz she's been wanting to recruit me ever since I was 15. And, ugh... so in october 2005 I was 170, then i was on basketball team and was getting some exercise and I dropped to 165 in december. and then I got kicked off. I recorded my weight every month since september. So then thats 5 lbs in 2 months. Then I was at a steady weight of 165 coz holidays.
Then came January, and I just started to go off. I signed up for a gym membership, gradually ran as far as I could. Burned off half the calories I ate in that day. I dropped another 5 lbs in January, and I felt that wasn't fast enough. So I started to burn off ALL calories that I predicited to have eaten in that day. I dropped another 5 lbs. And I felt like I've done so much hard work and yet I'm not dropping rapidly. So beginning of February, I was 155 lbs. I decided to purge and exercise at same time. dropped to 149 on february 15th. And I felt sooo good about myself I decided to carry on with purging. I would purge in my shower so no one could hear, in my toilet when no one is home, and if I came home late and everyone was sleeping I'd purge in a trashbag in my room. Currently I am 143 lbs now on march 23rd with a goal of being 140lbs by march 31st, and I am starting to see the results of the bulimia effecting me. My face is sooooo PALE and unhealthy. I shake, I can't concentrate, I space out, I am just waiting for a day to faint. But All I could think about is purging. I weigh myself morning and night, and each time someone tells me that I am getting skinnier and looking good I get soo embarrassed. I am the type of person that could rarely be humiliated. But if someone comes up to me with a lot of people around me telling me that I'm getting thinner and stuff I get so humiliated because I wnat to erase the fact that I was ever overweight out of my mind.
I need strength to help me get out of this state of mind. And I would like to have your guy's help me get through this. Each time I swallow; my throat is soar. Its not fun, its a degrading disorder, I am not treating my body right........ And now i cna't really focus typing any more lMAO .... i appreciate any kind of comments you leave here.