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Post by babidoll on Apr 10, 2006 22:21:15 GMT -5
Ok, back in October i went with my best friend (male) to a mutual friend's house (also male) where we drank with a bunch of other friends. I completely trusted everyone there and ended up getting so drunk I was in and out of consciousness and don't remember much from that night. Although, in the morning, I found myself sore and I guess memories came flooding back to me about bits and pieces of the night before. I came to realized that the "mutual friend" had sex with me. I don't know whether or not i consented. This was only the second time I have had sex and feel very strongly about being with the person for a long time, etc. so i don't believe i did consent. The next day he told me we had sex and didn't use a condom. So i had to get the morning after pill. Is this rape? Since then I have been dealing with eating disorders and started cutting myself again. Though i have stopped since December. Within the last week i had to tell my boyfriend what had happened because it is now starting to get around school, and of course not the real situation, and i wanted him to hear it from me first. (At the time of the incident we were fighting and not going out). He freaked out and is blaming himself because he was there and saw how bad I was and said he should have stayed, he also wants to retaliate against the guy for hurting me and disrespecting him (it was one of his close friends). He is also upset i didn't tell him any of this sooner. This is all too much to handle again and do not know how to deal with it all. I was just starting to get past it (not over it, just able to deal with it a little better) and now its starting to get out and i feel i have to "take care of" my boyfriend. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 10, 2006 23:52:42 GMT -5
First of all Hi babidoll welcome to the site I believe it was rape whether or not you constented to it. You were intoxicated to the point where you could barely remeber what happened that night. This "mutural friend" of yours knew you were drunk since you were drinking with them and he took advantage of that. You believe in having a long relationship before engaging in any sexual contact so I think the chances that you said yes are unlikely but like I said it doesn't matter because you weren't in a rational state of mind at the time, He knew that. I really hope this guy isn't your friend anymore. Congradulations on stopping cutting and having control over your eating disorder! I think its important for you to get help on this before you start again. You have come a long way by stopping and you don't want to go back to it. As for your boyfriend, as you said he is close friends with him , I think you boyfriend has every right to confront him about it but, not stand up to him for you. Its your job to confront this guy and tell him how you made him feel. A true friend would not take advantage of their close friends gf/ex gf or friend. Its understandable that he would be upset that you didn't tell him sooner. I can see that this guy really cares about you and wants to protect you. You should cherish that. I would explain to him why you didn't tell him sooner. Maybe you were afraid that he would get mad that it happened? You may of been scared he wouldn't believe you? That he might think differently of you? Theres many reasons why people don't tell people right away. Figure out why you didn't tell him and explain that to him so he can understand better.
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Post by GrapeJuice on Apr 11, 2006 0:39:35 GMT -5
Hello babidoll,
Yes that would be rape. I think babycakes covered everything pretty well and I would of said the same thing. It was a good idea to tell your boyfriend before other people told him. What exactally is getting spread around the school. That he raped or just that you had sex? If I was a guy and your boyfriend I would be furious if my friend did that to a girl even if she wasn't my girlfriend but if she was just a friend. Your "friend" was out of line that night and he needs to pay for his actions. Have you told an adult about what happened? He couldn't off been that drunk if he remeber that he didn't use a condom. He used you and put you at risk of getting pregnant. That is not a friend! I would report him if I were you before he does to someone else. I also hope he isn't your friend anymore or your boyfriends friend either.
Grape Juice~
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Apr 11, 2006 4:25:15 GMT -5
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Post by babidoll on Apr 11, 2006 10:02:41 GMT -5
Thank you babycakes and grape juice for everything.....what was said was a lot of help. Just to answer some questions.... No, i'm not friends with him anymore...actually since that night i pretty much stayed away from him. As for recently, ive completely avoided him. My boyfriend avoids him as well, though if i do have to pass him, he stays with me untill the kid is out of site. As for the gettin around school, its just been getting around that we had sex, but my boyfriend's brother, boyfriend, and my best friend are tryin to explain to people (when they hear it) that thats not what really happened. And no, he wasn't that drunk. According to my boyfriend (and others) that by the end of the night the kid only had 3 beers, when he's used to having a lot more. I haven't told an adult either....My mom's going through a lot right now and i really don't want her worrying about this. And thanks killerstyle....that site did help too. It helps to know i'm not the only person in this situation...
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Post by Beautiful Disaster on Apr 11, 2006 19:57:53 GMT -5
No question about it that is rape. Like ya said he had 3 beers maybe he was planning on it? watching u get drunk? I think u should tell someone he needs to be held responsible for his actions not just ignored.
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Post by biancasaur on Apr 12, 2006 15:04:37 GMT -5
I think you should tell your mom. Even if she is "going through a lot," she would probably want to know what's going on with you so she can offer support. What do you think her reaction will be if you tell her years from now or something?
In my opinion, it's always best to get everything out in the open and discuss it, even if you feel that it would be better to just try to ignore it... because ignoring it never helps. Discussing your emotions about it with your boyfriend might be painful, but in the long run, it will probably help you deal with this issue more easily and even bring you closer to your boyfriend.
If you start feeling like you need to "take care" of your boyfriend, tell him so! Tell him that you understand he is upset, but that you really need his support right now, and that it makes you feel upset when he blames himself and freaks out.
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Post by Beautiful Disaster on Apr 16, 2006 5:07:47 GMT -5
ya parents almost always dont care whats going on with themselves they care more about there kids and if your in trouble or sad Im sure she wants to know so you should tell your mom anyways. hugss
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Post by TRE on Nov 15, 2006 10:00:05 GMT -5
Spam is not appriciated
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