hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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May 29, 2006 9:44:20 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 29, 2006 9:44:20 GMT -5
I think its gonna take more than a while! I am a mess..no..i am more than a mess. I havent slept or eaten in like 4 days and all I've done is cry. I mean...what the hell am I supposed to do. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me suicide doesnt seem like the ultimate answer.
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 29, 2006 9:44:57 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 29, 2006 9:44:57 GMT -5
And not only that..but no one would miss me if I was gone.
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May 29, 2006 10:05:51 GMT -5
Post by Sparkle on May 29, 2006 10:05:51 GMT -5
Yeah Right. Whoever you are, there is some one that loves you andf would die for you. Look- things might seem bleak now, but in a year you could be having the time of your life, looking back on now thinking that you could have died and sacrificed your future.
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May 29, 2006 14:40:34 GMT -5
Post by Honey Beeswax on May 29, 2006 14:40:34 GMT -5
who caes how loong it takes as long as u get there. dont give up
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 29, 2006 17:05:19 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 29, 2006 17:05:19 GMT -5
I know it seems silly to you guys...and deep down I know it is. It's just hard to come to terms with the fact that the person I cared about most in the world was in so much pain---and i didnt realize
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May 29, 2006 18:30:38 GMT -5
Post by Honey Beeswax on May 29, 2006 18:30:38 GMT -5
Its not silly man if i had a sister and that happened idf be tearing myself apart
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May 29, 2006 18:30:47 GMT -5
Post by littlemikey on May 29, 2006 18:30:47 GMT -5
I know it seems silly to you guys...and deep down I know it is. It's just hard to come to terms with the fact that the person I cared about most in the world was in so much pain---and i didnt realize Now there is another point that I can relate to. My best friend, Cassie, and I talked about everything, but she never told me how upset she was with the world. I found out when one of her good friends told me months after the troubles started. It has mostly been solved now, but just because your best friend dosent ask you for help dosent mean they dont care about you, they just dont want you to be tied down with the same problems that they face.
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 29, 2006 19:52:44 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 29, 2006 19:52:44 GMT -5
BUT SHE WAS MY TWIN!!!!!!!!!!
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May 29, 2006 20:27:52 GMT -5
Post by GrapeJuice on May 29, 2006 20:27:52 GMT -5
Calm down we know you are upest and it was your twin. Twins are like attached the hip. Your other half. I can't even belive how much that sucks!!! You sound like you were soo close to her!!! Please dont blame yourself!! I cant even tell you how to try and feel better it must be soo devistating for you and your family. How is your family handling it? If you want to talk you can PM me
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 29, 2006 21:44:45 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 29, 2006 21:44:45 GMT -5
how is my family handling it? In one word.terribly. They fight constantly and no one is who they used to be when Marissa was still around. I was sooo close to her. I could tell her anything. She was always the first one I turned to when something was wrong. I can't even handle school bc we had the same friends
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May 29, 2006 22:04:53 GMT -5
Post by GrapeJuice on May 29, 2006 22:04:53 GMT -5
Think about what they are going through. Now if you left too!??! It would be that times a million in the pain department. They probably aren't even fighting over things they are just angry that your sister is gone! Im glad you have your friend to turn to right now thats what you need is love, care and support. Can you take time off school and have your homework sent home for now? I think they would be more then understanding.
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May 29, 2006 22:27:33 GMT -5
Post by MuHa Feel the Wrath on May 29, 2006 22:27:33 GMT -5
:'(shit... thats horrible Im speechless
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May 30, 2006 2:23:14 GMT -5
Post by allianne on May 30, 2006 2:23:14 GMT -5
Hun...u have every right to feel the way you have been. I think it's normal to think about suicide after all you've gone through. I mean, many people think about it...especially when you look at what's happened to u! But that's all it should be, just a thought. Actually contemplating suicide is when it gets dangerous. It may seem like the only way out because nothing is working. There feels like no other way out and it's not going to get better soon. You know yourself that it's gonna be hard for a long time. And at least you've come on this site for help. Take people's advice, it's the best you can do.
About your sister's death...it's hard because she's your twin and u guys were close. Out of all people, you feel that you should have known. Remember this, when people go through depression or tough times, they tend to hide it. She probably couldn't communicate what was going on so she didn't deal with it. She didn't know how to express herself, and it wasn't anything personally against you. It doesn't mean you were a bad sister, or that it's ur fault. If she hid it from you, she must've been really good at hiding it. Your sister obviously had trouble handling the emotions going on. Sometimes, there just aren't any signs.
YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS ALONE! You can't. Already your emotions seem so bottled up and when you get to a certain point, that's when you commit suicide. It may seem strange to talk to a counsilor, but it shouldn't. You need to get the right one. Make sure they are trained especially to handle what u want help on. Make sure you're totally honest, hold nothing back, act as if they are your diary. Tell them your secrets, ur fears, how ur feeling. Maybe ur family could go together. It could help ease the problems going on because right now fighting is the worst thing your family could be doing right now.
About the rape...testifying against him is the best thing you can do. The only way you'll be able to move on is if you can feel that you've done justice. Is your case soon? Sometimes they aren't for a long time. It may seem that things are moving really fast right now, and they are. You need to focus on what you need. This is such a horrible thing that can be done. I'm sure that most people can do is offer support and a counsilor. He violated u. He did just about the worst thing he could do. It may feel like ur dealing with all of it horribly, but pressing charges is the right thing. When I was drunk, I had a guy...rape me, take advantage of me...call it whatever u want. But I know that the feeling afterwards is just..it's hard to explain. And now that you're dealing with a death...but don't be afraid of help. As time goes by, it may seem to fade. But if you don't deal with it, it's always there! It'll lead you into a depression and you won't be able to live life normally afterwards.
I have so much sympathy for you and I admire you for having the courage to seek help here. Don't be afraid to take that other step and see a counsilor. You can go up to ur parents and just flat out tell them you need someone professional to talk to. They shouldn't ask so many questions since they know what you're going through. It may not be that easy, but it's what you need to do.
We're all thinking and hoping the best for u. And of course, PM me or anyone of us anytime you want! You can cry, yell..do whatever you want. We're here for u.
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May 30, 2006 6:54:37 GMT -5
Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on May 30, 2006 6:54:37 GMT -5
Well said, allianne
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hales
Newbie
I set my clocks early cuz' I know I'm always late
Posts: 21
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help
May 30, 2006 19:16:35 GMT -5
Post by hales on May 30, 2006 19:16:35 GMT -5
yea im taking time off of school. I dont care if they "allow" me too...i am.. too bad
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May 30, 2006 19:19:47 GMT -5
Post by Honey Beeswax on May 30, 2006 19:19:47 GMT -5
thats a good idea you shouldnt have to go to school if u have this going on. make sure u get work sent home so u dont fall behind tho
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May 31, 2006 23:31:13 GMT -5
Post by allianne on May 31, 2006 23:31:13 GMT -5
It's normal to take off school when something like this happens, so just concentrate on you for now. Glad I didn't make anyone blind from my long post. I know that not a lot has probably changed, but I hope you're coping better. *hug*
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