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Post by Rachel on Apr 21, 2006 20:23:45 GMT -5
Ive gotten to know a girl online well. Were more or less the same age (im 1 yr older than her) She cuts herself,but i dont know the reasons why,all i know is that she is depressed and is a SH.
I have her mobile number,and we text each other quite often. Were rather close,because we understand one another,seen as were going through the same feelings at the moment. But tonight for example,i logged onto msn and she said there wasnt much time left,she was going to end it all tonight,and that she loved me blahblahblah. I tried so hard to tell her that shes my only friend,and that shes the only person i can really confide in. And if she took her own life,it would kill me too,cos i would be devastated and lost without her. I eventually managed to calm her down,and she said that she wouldnt kill herself tonight. She was feeling a little ill,so i told her to get a full nights sleep and it will make her feel better.
I cant help but worry now that she might do the same thing to me again. It was an awful situation to be in,and i never want to feel that much pressure again. I know its probably selfish of me to be saying these things,but it was awful for me,i had to tell her why she should stay alive. Im scared now that when i next log into msn,she'll do the exact same.
Any advice would be apprieciated xx
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 21, 2006 21:34:27 GMT -5
You know it does sound selfish but when your in situations like that you have to look after your own feelings also. The hardest thing with it being a buddy on MSN or the internet you can't be there to physically stop them, all you have is your words. I think it would be right for you to tell her how you felt when she did that and how it took a toll on you. Maybe she needs to be shown that people care a little more so try and pay extra attention to her and try and make her 'forget' about it. Play games online, tell jokes stuff like that to keep the conversation light and happy. It will calm her down and reduce the chances of her having a meltdown like that again.
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Post by Rachel on Apr 22, 2006 1:00:48 GMT -5
Thats what we usually do,chat about normal stuff,and play msn games. She sometimes goes on webcam and i think it helps her concentrate on something other then harming herself. But the other day she went and showed me her cut and i didnt ask to see it,neither did i want to see it. Plus shes apparently cut herself while on cam with me. She was sat there and got this huge knife and all i saw was her looking down at her arm and making faces,and she said she had cut,but i couldnt see... Which is rather disturbing
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Post by Sparkle on Apr 22, 2006 2:28:07 GMT -5
That was horrible... I can't believe any one would do that... have you told her it upsets you?
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Post by Italian Stallion on Apr 22, 2006 4:41:31 GMT -5
umm gross sounds like she wants attention or she has a sick mind who would do that ipn cam infront of people thats messed
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Post by Rachel on Apr 22, 2006 6:45:06 GMT -5
Yeah i thought that too. What happend was she invited me to see her on cam,so i accepted. The cam was pointing at her pc,and i could see her conversations,including one with me and someone else. I noticed her write something saying something like 'god its only blood,its not that cool' to the other person she was talking to (according to her it was one of her other friends) and then all of a sudden i saw her arm with a cut on it in front of the camera,she showed it me. Then she said something about how she'd been picking at it too.
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 22, 2006 6:59:17 GMT -5
I also think it sounds like it's more for attention then anything. It sounds like she purposely put the cam on the PC for u too read that and show you her cut after. It almost sounds like a form of manipulation or something. I'm baffled on what to say. It is 5 am though. I may have a better response in a few hours.
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Post by Rachel on Apr 22, 2006 20:51:10 GMT -5
Actually,if im been honest,i asked someone on msn about a week ago,telling them about her behaviour,saying how it seemed like she was just trying to get my attention. I didnt get any advice out of it really,they just said people cut for different reasons,so shes probably not looking for attention.
But i had that suspicion in the first place of it just been for attention,but i cant exactly accuse her of that can i? What if she really is suicidal and needs my help? Yet it just seems to me shes after my attention and to get me emotionally involved with her.. Plus she called me her best friend and told me she loved me.
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Post by Sparkle on Apr 23, 2006 5:01:15 GMT -5
maybe she just wants to feel loved, wants you to tell her to stop, she wants to know some one cares. This is a form of attention seeking, and you need to tell you this upsets you, and tell her you want to help her but you don't want to see any thing and if she carries on like this you won't be able to talk to her as it's obviously upsetting you.
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Post by Rachel on Apr 23, 2006 9:11:54 GMT -5
Thanks for that Sparkle.
ok today i was chatting with her,and she lied to me about something. I caught her out and had proof that she was lying. At first she said she wasnt lying to me,then made up an excuse as to why she lied to me. I couldnt believe she had lied to me. So after all this ive been through with her,she then lies.. So i logged off msn to think.
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Post by Rachel on Apr 23, 2006 12:41:05 GMT -5
Sorry to double post,but i just thought i would update.
Ok so since that happened,i havent been logged into msn. I logged in about 10 minutes ago and straight away she sent me a message. ive decided to just leave her be and we'll go our seperate ways. I dont want to,but im getting quite annoyed with her making me be emotionally attached to her,plus shes very clingy and its like i cant breathe.
So while she was messaging me,i decided not to reply to her. So i didnt bother sending her any messages whatsoever,but after 5 minutes of me not messaging her,she sent me the url to her photobucket account. It took me to some avatars,about self harming and stuff like that. There was one on there about cutting with a razor,and then she sent me a message saying 'im sorry but im doing for this for' And another message saying she was going to do what the avatars said. Surely there was no need for that was there? And then said 'please answer me..if you do then it will all be over and ill stop'
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Post by vy on Apr 23, 2006 14:17:57 GMT -5
Dear Rachel:
I'm actually very proud that you decided to stop talking to this girl, because from the sounds of things, I think this girl has a lot of problems. Unfortunatley, none that you can help with. The best thing that I would suggest is to keep away from her.
THE WHOLE AVATAR THING Okay Rachel, listen, this will be hard to hear, but, "You cannot help her, only she can help herself."
By the sounds of the whole avatar thing, it sounds like manipulation. She is obviously saying, "If you leave me, I'll kill myself. Whether she will actually do it or not - this is NOT a HEALTHY relationship to be in. Your friend needs help, but professional help - and the only person that can truly help her - is herself.
Why would I know? I've been in this type of relationship before. It is obvious to me that she doesn't care about you, or consider you a friend, because friends respect each other.
Friends don't force their friends to stay with them. Friends respect each other and their decisions. If she was really your friend, she would have respected the fact that you don't want to be her friend anymore and back off, but she didn't!
What do you think a healthy relationship would be like? Does this relationship seem healthy to you? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone that lies to you, and drains you emotionally?
She is the only one who has full control of her life, and she is the only one fully responsible for her health, and well being. You have that same control about yourself, and your well being - you have the right to take care and protect yourself from those that hurt you, physically or EMOTIONALLY.
Might sound harsh, but some people can be a real danger to others - but it is your choice as to whether you will even let the person try to. There is no right or wrong choice, only consequences, so don't worry too much about not knowing what is the right thing to do.
Take Care Rachel! Hope that helps.
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Post by Rachel on Apr 23, 2006 14:58:22 GMT -5
Thanks,yes that helped alot,and i thank you for taking your time to right that to me After i didnt talk to her for ages and ages,and after she kept texting me saying 'please talk' i eventually spoke,but not much. I told her that what she was doing wasnt fair to me,and that she emotionally drains me,and i feel like she is suffercating (sp?) me.. Its just so strange though how we would be talking about something,and she would say these irrelevant things that didnt need to be said,such as today especially,she said 'i know your mad at me,but ill see you in heaven my dear friend' I told her straight that sometimes i think shes talking a load of bull,and she swore down on my life that she only lied today about saying if i didnt reply she would kill herself. She said it was a way to get me to reply. Then she swore down on my life that she did cut herself over me today,and then added 'im writing my suicide note as we speak' So i said 'this is the kind of stuff that makes me so unhappy and im so sick of it. I hate it when you say things like that' And also,the worse thing she probably said was 'i know you arent replying,but i hope you do' 'ahh please reply' 'i have a knife to my throat' then about 10 minutes later she said 'the knife is on my throat and ive cut now..im sorry,goodbye' I said i needed space,and so i was going to block her,but she had to steal the limelight and be a dramaqueen,and said 'no need ' and she blocked me instead.. ahh well
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 23, 2006 19:58:28 GMT -5
I agree with both vy and Sparkle.
'the knife is on my throat and ive cut now..im sorry,goodbye' - Because you didn't answer on MSN
Does that sound healthy? She's manipulating you into thinking her life is in your hands. A real friend wouldn't do that to someone. I had a guy friend who did the same thing but, he would say come hang out with me and I'd be busy and he'd flip out and say he was going to kill himself and needed me there etc, At one point he told me if I didn't date him that he would kill himself. What I did was talked to my friend about it then told him to get some help from professionals because I'am not responsible for his life as you are not responsible for their life either and I won't be forced to think so.
What I would do is block her on MSN and e-mail her. Tell her that you do care about her but you can't keep having the pressure of her threating you to kill herself all the time.
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Post by Rachel on Apr 23, 2006 21:17:21 GMT -5
Thanks She texted me awhile ago saying 'look i know you need some space,but im just letting you know,that ive decided to move on ,so ill see you around i guess'
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 23, 2006 21:29:40 GMT -5
Well that's good. It seems like she has to be the first to stuff like, you were going to block her and she sensed that so she did it first. Maybe she sensed you were going to say your not going to do it anymore and so she said "Im moving on first" Never the less, that's good. Just make sure you don't fall for any guilt trip she may use now.
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Post by MuHa Feel the Wrath on Apr 24, 2006 3:56:21 GMT -5
al' I can say is thank god u got out of that before it got even worse. she needs wayyy moire help then u could ever offerer her. stay strong Rachel
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