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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 23, 2006 22:35:41 GMT -5
I really want to talk to my boyfriend, I love him and he makes me feel so much better. But I have to wait until he calls me, because right now he's not allowed to use the phone, so I have to wait until he calls me when his parents won't know. I don't really have anything to do to feel better... sometimes when I draw, I feel better. I could try that, but then sometimes if I end up drawing sad things, like broken hearts and stuff, I feel worse... I really just don't know any more
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Post by stars2mind on Jun 23, 2006 22:40:03 GMT -5
hey do his parents know....your depressed??
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 23, 2006 22:58:22 GMT -5
My boyfriend's parents?? No, they don't know... I wish I could talk to him more, but I think he's getting his phone back soon.
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Post by stars2mind on Jun 23, 2006 23:04:19 GMT -5
thats good..
cuz if they did know..it would be easier for you to get a hold to him..
you know like tell his folks that your really sad and ask if you could please talk to him just for a moment!! to feel better
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 23, 2006 23:09:07 GMT -5
Yeah, but his parents are kind of... they're nice people but that wouldn't go well with them if I said that, it's hard to explain on here but they just aren't those kind of people.
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Post by stars2mind on Jun 23, 2006 23:12:38 GMT -5
only if you could explain i would probabaly get it but yeah..
is there someone else that you could phone..that you trust
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 23, 2006 23:20:17 GMT -5
No, not really... all my friends said they wouldn't be my friends when I said I was cutting and that I was crazy and all this really mean stuff I have one friend who understands but he is away for the summer without a phone or anything... I just talked to my boyfriend when he called me. I was crying and I said I had been feeling depressed again (he knew about everything that happened before) and I said I was scared to tell him because I know he doesn't want me to feel like this. He said he always wants me to feel like I can tell him things like that and that he would come over as soon as he can. He's such a sweetie that way And I explained how I was feeling and everything... he had to get off the phone because his parents came home, but he'll call me tonight when they go out to dinner. I'm still very sad and empty...
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Post by stars2mind on Jun 23, 2006 23:27:23 GMT -5
hey turn that frown upside down< probably one of the cornyest things to say but i like ppl to laugh at what i say
anyway name some/all things that make you happy
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 24, 2006 2:23:27 GMT -5
Things that make me feel happy.... Being with my boyfriend Being with my friends (not the ones who are mean about my depression, I have a ton of really nice friends but they don't really know much about the depression) Doing sports that I like (pilates and gymnastics) Going to the beach Shopping Starbucks (I love that place) Well, that's pretty much all I can think of right now...
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Post by Firey Shades Of Blue on Jun 24, 2006 4:17:08 GMT -5
If you feel like cutting draw on your arm with a red marker or pen instead. It sounds like you have been doing alright your just having a bad week and it could be from your medication. Stay strong and hold your head high because tomorrow will be a better day. I know I may be new to this site but from reading your post so far you are new also and I think I can tell that you are a strong individual. I think your first step should be calling the doctor who perscribed you the medication and see what he thinks about. Keep your mind occupied on the things you like go for a walk, call up a friend, hang out with your boyfriend. Do anything to keep yourself from cutting because its not going to make this better it's going to make it worse, what you want is for it to get better right? You know, I'm telling you and everyone else is telling you this won't make it be better, Listen to us. We've been there, you've been there, We care, I care and You care about you. You will get past this and when you get to your doctor you can work something out and you can be happy again. This is a speedbump in your recovery and you can and you will overcome these urges as hard as it is you have control over you self. Take control and be strong then that blade. Create your tomorrow by not making the cut..
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 25, 2006 0:11:15 GMT -5
Wow, thanks, that was really good advice. Kind of inspiring. lol. I went out to the mall and stuff today, and I feel a little better from getting out and not sitting around thinking... and that advice was really good, so I'm gonna try to wait this out (but I will talk to my doctor) and see if it's just like a bad week. Thanks again.
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Post by stars2mind on Jun 25, 2006 1:16:53 GMT -5
If its just a bad week.... I hope your upcoming weeks are better and yeah we're full of ideas...hehe
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 25, 2006 20:03:25 GMT -5
Thanks I haven't seen my boyfriend in like a week and a half, and I miss him so much I need him...
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Post by WilD CherrY on Jun 26, 2006 4:36:58 GMT -5
You should let us know what the Doc says! Awwwwww why havent u seen ur boyfriend?
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 26, 2006 17:52:04 GMT -5
He's in summer school and I have sports and stuff when he gets back in the afternoon... but I saw him for a couple hours last night He's my baby, I love him to death. I went to the therapist today (I go about 3 times a week) and I told her I'm getting depressed again and that I can't sleep (I was up all night until 6am this morning crying in bed), and she's going to call my doctor and see if, based on what I'm feeling, they should give me a higher dose or a different kind. The doctor wants to see me when they change it, so I'll be going soon. I'll tell you all how everything goes...
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 27, 2006 0:51:24 GMT -5
I drew all over my wrists with red ink and traced over all my scars from cutting before... I wish it was real blood.
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Post by dearblackgoodbye on Jun 27, 2006 1:43:53 GMT -5
I need help.... I'm hopeless. If I'm feeling this way about life when I'm only 14, cutting myself, wanting blood and scars and attempting suicide, I'm scared I won't make it much longer... it's just too hard. I want to live the life I have, I love my boyfriend so much and I would give the whole universe to him if I could. And he would do the same for me. I just want to be able to live and enjoy this amazing life I have, but I can't live life when I'm depressed. I just feel like I can't go through with it, even to the end of the day. It's too hard, I'm too sensitive, I think about things too much. I have this whole theory on death, and I worry about things a lot. I just wish I could think less and stop being so deep about everything so I could enjoy living life. But I can't when I'm depressed. I can't do anything. I need help... I need to talk to people... I hate having depressed feelings and not being able to talk to friends because they don't understand and they just change the subject. I need to be able to say "help, I feel like hurting myself" and not have people turn away. Please.... this is all I have left....
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