|
Post by littlemikey on Apr 4, 2006 22:09:05 GMT -5
they can only tell your parents if you are a danger to yourself or someone else. However, when you go to see him/her before you start ask him exactly what he has the right to say without your permission, he should tell you and then if you dont want to talk to him you can just say so.
|
|
|
Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 5, 2006 1:11:15 GMT -5
He can't make you go back if you don't want too. I asked my friend and they said that they don't tell your parents if you don't want them too but it may be different where you live.
I would phone anonymously and ask about it.
Yes, it will hurt you more in the end if you don't deal with it. You will be stressed out and stress results in health problems so its probably a good idea to get it out of your system.
|
|
|
Post by allianne on Apr 6, 2006 18:16:25 GMT -5
I dunno...I mean I still kinda doubt it was rape sometimes. It's seems easy when I hear you guys talk about it, but when I go to school and stuff..it's like he didn't do anything wrong. Why doesn't anyone else think it's wrong?! He doesn't think it was rape...so what does that mean?
|
|
|
Post by Italian Stallion on Apr 6, 2006 18:19:23 GMT -5
then maybe it wasnt I dont knwo maybe ppl dont know the whole story? he might think it is buts not saying anything n thiniks u wont say anything either i dunno you or i cant tell what hes thinking right.
|
|
|
Post by littlemikey on Apr 6, 2006 18:20:52 GMT -5
He raped you! Whatever he says dosent matter, you didnt consent. He dosent think it was rape for one of two reasons, one, would he brag if he raped you? And two, he is in denial. You need to tell someone! You will never feel better untill you do!
|
|
|
Post by allianne on Apr 6, 2006 20:22:34 GMT -5
I can't bring myself to tell anyone about it...and I've tried! I'll get to the councilors office and freak out and leave. I try so hard but..it never happens. And I can't think of anyone that would be easier to tell...I feel stuck. Maybe it's easier for others to do..but it's extremely hard for me to say it...and to say it to another person feels impossible. urgh It's easy to say to tell someone, but doing it is another story...
|
|
|
Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 6, 2006 21:07:54 GMT -5
Yeah its going to be hard. Sometimes you just don't know what to say or you feel like there going to think differently of you. Its hard to admit that it happened and its 100 times harder to admit it to other people. I think its easier for people to talk about things on the computer or not 'face to face' because you have that wall there where they can't see your response or face. Its kind of like let it out, see if it helps and it doesn't matter that much what they think because they will never meet you, they don't go to your school, they'll never talk to your parents etc. Its hard to explain but yeah.
I think sooner or later you will get the courage too tell someone face to face. You just have to wait for that time to come and if it takes a few days, weeks or even months then so be it. But your going to have to tell someone sooner or later. Take your time and when you feel ready too then go for it. Just don't let it go on forever. Its really important that you have one person close to you know what happened and understand so your not standing alone in all of it and you have someone there for support. It's good to have a friend that knows whats going on because if one day you feel like crap you can call them up and say "hey today I'm having a bad day with it" and you can go out somewhere and take your mind off it.
Edit-
Also, if you don't want to talk to someone in person you could call a hotline and talk to them. Just a suggestion. One that doesn't show up on a phone bill etc. Theres tons of them.
|
|
|
Post by Beautiful Disaster on Apr 6, 2006 22:01:19 GMT -5
Yeah its going to be hard. Sometimes you just don't know what to say or you feel like there going to think differently of you. Its hard to admit that it happened and its 100 times harder to admit it to other people. I think its easier for people to talk about things on the computer or not 'face to face' because you have that wall there where they can't see your response or face. Its kind of like let it out, see if it helps and it doesn't matter that much what they think because they will never meet you, they don't go to your school, they'll never talk to your parents etc. Its hard to explain but yeah. I think sooner or later you will get the courage too tell someone face to face. You just have to wait for that time to come and if it takes a few days, weeks or even months then so be it. But your going to have to tell someone sooner or later. Take your time and when you feel ready too then go for it. Just don't let it go on forever. Its really important that you have one person close to you know what happened and understand so your not standing alone in all of it and you have someone there for support. It's good to have a friend that knows whats going on because if one day you feel like crap you can call them up and say "hey today I'm having a bad day with it" and you can go out somewhere and take your mind off it. Edit-Also, if you don't want to talk to someone in person you could call a hotline and talk to them. Just a suggestion. One that doesn't show up on a phone bill etc. Theres tons of them. I agree and the hotline thing might be a good idea when no ones home or if you have a cell phone. look in the front of your phone book and there will be a list of abuse hotlines and stuff. if you feel like it,.
|
|
|
Post by adamdk on Apr 30, 2006 8:17:15 GMT -5
I believe you said that you don't remember much of it? Like you had a blanked out or something? Well, if that is the case, somebody may have spiked your drink. And, YES, I would consider this rape. If somebody says "no" when a person wants to have sex with you, or anything sexually related, if they pursued in what they were doing and continued, it would be classed as rape. But I definately think that your drink must have been spiked if you don't remember much of it, and were being sick, etc.
|
|
|
Post by Jesusfreak on May 1, 2006 0:04:27 GMT -5
*waves* Hey everyone! I don't know if this would be considered rape or not. I've gotten mixed opinions from people. Anyways, here's the story... When I was fourteen, I went to this guy's party totally smashed. I was throwing up for hours and I was lying on the ground (outside by a fire) shivering. They almost took me to the emmergency room. After I was a little better they put me on the guy's couch to sleep it off. I had little flashes of what happened after that because I think I was either passing out or my brain just blanked out, but this guy was on me kissing me. I remember telling him I was not going to sleep with him. But, I was so drunk that it was really hard to keep stopping him when he tried to pull my pants down. I don't know if we did anything that night or not...but if he had, would that be rape or just drunk sex? And I don't know if I might've okayed it while my mind blanked out.... It's just stressed me so much ever since it happened. I thought I was over it, but now I start having these crying fits and I feel all depressed a lot. Not sure if anyone has answered this, but... It's called date rape and completely punishable by law. Depending on the age, the punishment can increase in severity. If you know the guy, you may want to get tested and, if you find out that he did have sex with you, talk to your parents and see if you want to press charges. P.S. That's why you shouldn't drink alcohol or partake in drugs.
|
|
|
Post by vy on May 1, 2006 20:06:03 GMT -5
Dear Allianne: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT I understand how you feel, but it is not your fault. I'm sorry to hear that you had this happen to you. It is so aweful how this guy has choosen to do this, and brag about it - this is not right at all. PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT People are afraid and sometimes when told of something important, pretend like nothing has happened, because they don't know how to deal with it. I think that is what a lot of people at your school are doing - even your best friend. That doesn't make their action right though - what they are doing is wrong! That doesn't make this event normal or right - no one has the right to ever do this to you, NEVER! I UNDERSTAND I've been though a lot of things that you have been though: unsure of what to do, not sure how to tell someone, crying alot, etc... I understand it is very hard to tell someone, especially face to face. You get this ashamed feeling and you don't want anyone to know - but you want it to be over, right? MY SUGGESTIONS 1.) Don't force yourself to get over this, I know you don't want to hear this, but this is an aweful thing that has happened to you, and it will not go away just like that. 2.) Don't try to deal with this by yourself. You are strong, and a great individual, but some things are meant to be done with others. 3.) Don't make yourself do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. If you don't feel comfortable being around that guy, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND HIM. You don't need a reason. 4.) Try talking to an online help site. That way, you can ask for advice from professionals, without giving out your name, or details and they will not ask. Look around online. www.ncvc.org/tvp/main.aspx?dbName=Sexual_assault(Can anyone else suggest some sites, I rebooted my computer and don't have links anymore.) When you feel comfortable telling someone (face to face), I suggest talking to a female counsellor. It will be hard - but she will be able to give you the support and advice, that maybe others will not. 5.) Go easy on yourself and give yourself time. YOUR RIGHT No one has the right to ever do this to you. It doesn't matter if you are drunk or not - what this boy did was wrong. He made a bad choice, your sister is making a bad choice by avoiding this, your friend is making a bad choice by avoiding this, and everyone else who knows about this, who choose to look the other way is making a bad choice. You have the right to feel this way. You have the right to report this (if you choose to). He chose to do this, and whatever his punishment is - it is HIS CONSEQUENCE FOR HIS CHOICE OF ACTION. You didn't make him, it is not your fault - so try not to feel bad. I sincerely hope you feel better. Good luck. Take care.
|
|
|
Post by allianne on May 17, 2006 23:14:19 GMT -5
Okay, well...I probably should've responded to my post earlier. But, it's hard to reread it, ya know? Anyways, I just wanna say THANK YOU to everyone soo much. I can't tell you how many times it made me cry just to see you guys supporting me. It means so much to me. It really really does.
Anyways, most of you probably know that I have to go to alcohol counsiling. You guys all told me to find someone to talk to and everything so I think that I might talk to her about it.
I've had a couple people talk to me about the same type of thing that happened to them too. And sometimes it's hard to know what to say. I mean, we all have different reactions. I'm afraid of open doors and I have to have a window open in a car. It's totally weird and I get so paranoid about things like that, so I was amazed at how much help your guys's responses were. I mean, no one tried to talk down to me. It was so accurate too. I figured I could forget about it at first. After the post I felt so much better, but that was just a tiny step. It didn't solve my problem. You guys were right about seeking help.
I hope that everyone learns from my mistake. The guy that I was with was MY SISTER's CLOSE FRIEND. He was a popular guy at school. How do you know who to trust when it's someone like that? The point is to not take chances like that. I know some people will say, "my friend will look after me." That's what I thought too. She laid me on his couch and promised to get me in the morning. She had no idea that he would take advantage of me.
Again, thank you thank you thank you!! You guys took so much time to write such long responses and well...I really appreciate it. I don't know how to really say how it feels...but it's the greatest feeling to have you all come to my side and help.
|
|
|
Post by !Dances With Hamsters! on May 17, 2006 23:45:07 GMT -5
Im soo glad things are looking up for you now.
|
|
|
Post by vy on May 26, 2006 23:55:29 GMT -5
Dear Allianne:
So glad to hear that you are doing so much better, and are able to handle the situation better then before. I am so glad to hear that you got help, that must have been so hard - but it shows so much character. I am so proud of you.
You pointed out a really good point as well. You can't expect someone else to take care of you, even if he/she is your best friend- YOU are responsible for yourself. I'm so glad that you were able to over come this part of your past. It will still be a while, but you are doing a great thing by sharing your experience- it will help a lot of other girls going through the same situation.
|
|
|
Post by allianne on May 30, 2006 23:18:50 GMT -5
Thank ya for the support!! It feels nice. Yep, I still have a looong way to go...but it makes everything seem so much more different. It's still stressful and hurts...but I don't feel as alone.
|
|
|
Post by !Dances With Hamsters! on Jun 17, 2006 19:19:01 GMT -5
aww thats good *hugs* do you have an update?
|
|
|
Post by allianne on Jun 19, 2006 20:44:08 GMT -5
I'll post another update on it soon. I'm going to be going to a counselor soon, as soon as they call back. Thank you everyone so much. I don't think I ever would've done anything if it wasn't for this site.
|
|