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Post by Allianne on Apr 1, 2006 19:09:23 GMT -5
*waves* Hey everyone! I don't know if this would be considered rape or not. I've gotten mixed opinions from people. Anyways, here's the story... When I was fourteen, I went to this guy's party totally smashed. I was throwing up for hours and I was lying on the ground (outside by a fire) shivering. They almost took me to the emmergency room. After I was a little better they put me on the guy's couch to sleep it off. I had little flashes of what happened after that because I think I was either passing out or my brain just blanked out, but this guy was on me kissing me. I remember telling him I was not going to sleep with him. But, I was so drunk that it was really hard to keep stopping him when he tried to pull my pants down. I don't know if we did anything that night or not...but if he had, would that be rape or just drunk sex? And I don't know if I might've okayed it while my mind blanked out.... It's just stressed me so much ever since it happened. I thought I was over it, but now I start having these crying fits and I feel all depressed a lot.
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Post by Allison on Apr 1, 2006 19:14:17 GMT -5
YES IT IS RAPE.
u were not in the right state of mind u had no idea what was going on and when u said u were not going to sleep with him that was it. Just for kissing u and pulling your pants down that is WRONG. He took advantage of u while you were blacking out and that is rape.
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 1, 2006 19:23:00 GMT -5
Personally I would say yes it was rape if something did happen. You did tell him that you were not going to have sex with him so thats saying no. You were drunk, passed out, blacking out, not 100% there. Im sure it would of been quite obvious to this guy what your state was. Any guy with good morals would know that a girl who is drunk like that can't give a good judgement on what they want or don't want to do.
He did take advantage of you just by kissing you and trying to pull your pants off. If nothing happened I would still consider it some sort of rape because it was against your wishes that he was kissing you and trying to take your pants off. Do you know who this guy was? Did you have any evidence the next morning that something sexual did happen?
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Post by Allianne on Apr 1, 2006 19:38:14 GMT -5
No, I don't have any evidence or anything. Basically, when I woke up I went home and showered (the worst thing I could've done) and tried to forget about it. I know the guy...he goes to my school and is a year ahead of me so I see him everyday. And he bragged and told everyone that we had sex. My sister found out and so now she basically thinks I'm a very *friendly* person, but she's in the same grade as he is. She told me that she considered him one of her really good friends. And she said that after it happened. I dunno what to do really. I feel depressed and cry a lot for no reason. But I can't DO anything and it's really hurting me to think that. Sometimes I just like to do stupid stuff to get feel happy and make my friends think I'm happy. I just wish there was an answer to make me feel better.
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 1, 2006 19:47:14 GMT -5
oo Well welcome to the site. I forgot to say that earlier. Anyways if he is bragging that you guys had sex then obviously something did happen. I would confront him because he is a rapist. If he did it too you Im sure he will do it to many other drunk passed out girls if he hasn't already. Alot of guys that take advantage of drunk girls, there friends have no idea. You should stand up to him and explain to your sister what happened because it wasn't your fault.
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Post by Allianne on Apr 1, 2006 19:56:08 GMT -5
Thanks! I love this site already.
Um, well confronting him would kinda be a problem. I can't have him show up at the same place i'm at without crying or getting hysterical. I wouldn't be able to really look at him or listen to his voice...everything about him just makes me wanna scream.
And telling my sister? Well, I told my best friend's older sister and I talk to her about it and everything. I had her talk to my sister for me to explain what happened. My sister was mad at him for about a day. She hangs out with him all the time now and she knows what happened. I probably should have told my mom or dad, but my mom doesn't understand things (maybe because she grew up differently..speaking another language ect.) and my dad is in another country.
So, is there really nothing I can do?
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Post by littlemikey on Apr 1, 2006 20:04:10 GMT -5
you should tell a school councillor, and they can arrange for actions to happen to this guy, and it dosent involve you directly confronting him.
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Post by Allianne on Apr 1, 2006 20:13:28 GMT -5
But it happened almost a year ago. There'd be no evidence and no way to really get him into trouble. I don't want to start something and have everyone figure out what happened...because many won't believe me. If I told a councilor, would they tell my parents or anyone? Also, my best friend just thinks that it's not rape. I really wish she could understand how I feel, even if it happened a while ago. It hate that she acts like it's something I can just blow off just because she's slept with lots of guys.
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Post by ¤Teen Vibe¤ on Apr 1, 2006 21:04:28 GMT -5
Your right if it did happen a year ago you have no evidence. It's pretty much your word against his. I think its a good idea for you too talk to the school counseller so you can get it out of your system and try to move on. Im not 100% sure if the counseller would tell your parents or not. Either way I think it would be a good idea for your parents to know.
Even if he doesn't admit that it happened (which will probably happen) atleast you've raised some awareness that will get other girls to look out for it and maybe someone he did it too in the past might come out and say the same thing happened to them if they see you be brave enough to stand up to him.
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Post by allianne on Apr 1, 2006 21:16:04 GMT -5
I can't tell my parents...I just can't. I hate already feeling like a rape loser. I blame myself partly for even drinking that night. I like coming home and being able to be in a place where they don't know what's happened, so it's like a little escape sometimes. I don't want anyone to look at me and think, 'oh, she's the girl that got raped' I don't want my family's pity. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up.
I've been getting into some trouble lately too, so I don't really wanna say something else.
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Post by littlemikey on Apr 1, 2006 21:20:25 GMT -5
The only way the councillor can tell your parents without your permission is if you are an immediate danger to either yourself or someone else (say you tell her you want to kill yourself) otherwise under law she cannot tell anyone without your permission.
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Post by allianne on Apr 1, 2006 21:26:25 GMT -5
Do I have to tell him who the person was? Will he do anything about it if the person is from my school?
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Post by littlemikey on Apr 1, 2006 21:31:16 GMT -5
Only if you give him permission to. He may suggest that he talks to the boy in question without mentioning you, or something like that, but remember, he is powerless to do anything unless you let him, he is bound by law to keep your secrets unless you tell him to tell your parents or anyone else.
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Apr 1, 2006 22:21:43 GMT -5
Hes right. If you don't tell them to tell anyone they wont. You should tell them I think cuz you have to deal with it or its going to bother you all the time like it seems like it is.
Hugs?
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Post by allianne on Apr 1, 2006 22:27:38 GMT -5
I'm kinda just hoping i'll move on from it. At least I have all you wonderful people to talk to. Don't most people get over it on their own? thanks so much for all the help so far! Although I'm not totally certain if it's rape....isn't it partly my fault? Argh. I wonder if he regrets what happened... And thanks for the hugs killerstyle.
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Post by -‰KillerStyle‰- on Apr 1, 2006 22:33:01 GMT -5
How is it your fault? everyone gets drunk some point in there life its a given. Its the creeps who take advantage of it. Its not your fault at all. You should come in the chat room with us I'd love to talk to you there!!!!! You could get over it on your own and you could just talk to us instead of counsellers if thats what you feel most comfertable doing. YOUR WELCOME *HUGGS* hhehe
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Post by littlemikey on Apr 1, 2006 22:33:04 GMT -5
It is not your fault! People can get over events like that on their own, but it takes many years with help for most people. I would suggest not drinking, so you cant be taken over again, but that is a choice hundreds of thousands of girls like you make, so it is not your fault at all. I personally do not drink, but that is a choice that you make, and there is nothign wrong with it at all.
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